I Need a Little Christmas ...

right this very minute!

I'm at home in Michigan, decorating the Christmas tree. I decorated my apartment for Christmas and winter before I left for Thanksgiving.

I just need a little Christmas right now. I need the promise of new life, the hope of redemption, and the joy of festivities.

So even though, as a seminary student, I know it's not Christmas yet, not to mention Advent hasn't even started, I'm starting to celebrate Christmas.

I've done enough watching and waiting with families and loved ones at the hospital. I need a little Christmas right now.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ...

I'm trying to make it to the end of the semester. While CPE has been good, it's also been extremely draining. This past weekend I had the longest day (as a counterpart to my longest night). I journeyed with four different families and eight little babies through various situations in the NICU. Four of the little ones did not make it.

And I'm done. I'm spent. It's taking me longer and longer to recharge after difficult on-call shifts. And I have three and a half weeks and five on-call shifts left. I've started the countdown.

For now, I'll watch Finding Nemo and make paper snowflakes and somehow find the strength to just keep swimming ...

Recharging

After nights like this and generally working long hours in a hospital at the crossroads of new life, trauma, tragedy, and death, I needed to recharge and get centered and in a place to continue such work (at least until the end of this semester).

So, this week I have

• slept long hours in my own bed
• read an entire book for fun
• jumped on a trampoline
• enjoyed the fall weather (that has finally arrived)
• consumed yummy food and much needed margaritas
  
• gone to the movies
• ignored some deadlines in order to do these things.

And it has been wonderfully renewing.

I will be ready to return to the hospital on Monday.

The Longest Night

I'm on call tonight at the hospital. Actually, there are only three hours remaining on my shift. But it's been a long night:

• death of a 6 month old baby in the NICU
• adult death in the ER
• perinatal loss
• perinatal loss
• early labor on triplet girls
  

Yeah ... some nights are better than others.

Tonight, I'm just trying to make it until 8:30am when I can leave.