My Summer Vacation in My Summer Home

It's been a month since I've posted (and with good reason).

I'm on vacation right now. I'm not anywhere exotic sipping fun drinks on the beach.

I've simply declared June my month of vacation. I'm staying in my summer home (aka the apartment of friends who are abroad). I'm sleeping long hours and waking to the sounds of birds rather than my alarm. I spend my days reading fiction, watching DVDs, working out at the Y (if I can muster up the motivation), catching up with and hanging out with friends, and just plain relaxing.

I can't remember the last time I had a true summer vacation. So I thought I would get one more in before I officially enter adulthood and the work force and full time ministry.

Moving

There's been lots of movement in my life lately.

• My parents flew down on Wednesday and were in town until this morning for all of the graduation festivities.
• My apartment is empty; it echoes as I walk through it. The walls are dingy; the cupboards are bare. I sit on a borrowed end table that will be returned to its owner this afternoon. The majority of my possessions and all of my furniture is en route to the Midwest, to spend some time in my parents' basement.
• Yesterday I sat among classmates as we received our diplomas and hoods, moved our tassel from right to left, and recessed out of the church sanctuary as those having mastered all things divine.

And this is the right time for all of these movements to occur. Last year I could have been part of the graduating class, but this year was the right time for that walk across the stage.

Now, I pray for the Holy Spirit to move in the call process.

Signs of the Times

Packing
Truck will be packed up on Saturday afternoon. Apartment must be packed up before then. I own a ton of books. I keep thinking of more things hiding in closets and cupboards that need to be packed. Grateful for my parents who are flying in today to help finish up the packing.




Playing
Really enjoying this last week with my fellow seminarians before we scatter all over the place. Lots of planned and impromptu get-togethers and parties, relaxing and chatting. And really, where else would a hymn sing be this much fun ... ?



Planning
As graduation approaches, more and more people are asking about my plans for the summer. And I'm okay saying "I'm not too sure." I'm still working through the call process/job search. Besides doing that, June will be a well-deserved sabbath. I don't remember the last time my planner was so empty.

Done!

I'm done.

• The last of my seminary exams, final papers, and projects were done by noon on Thursday, May 8th. It felt wonderful to finish up. Yet, I know I'll also miss the afternoons of research in the library. Which maybe means I'm just done for now ...
  
• I taught my last dance class at the Y that day also. My dance kids performed on Friday, May 9th and did an awesome job. They are adorable and I will miss them. I also participated in the teacher's exhibition/show. Being able to express myself through a dance was a great end to the week.
• And perhaps the most telling indicator that I'm done: I had a wonderfully relaxing Sunday. I went to church and stayed after for lunch and fellowship. I laid on the couch and read a book (fiction - for fun!). I took a nap. I watched some tv. I called my mom. Ahhh, the sabbath.
  

Falling In Love ...

Not with a person.
With a church.
With specific churches.

Churches that I had applied to.
Churches that I was really excited about because of their ministry and vision, the positions open and the people I had talked to.

And now I'm back at square one because it turns out that those churches are not where the Spirit is leading me. I gave myself a week off from the call process. I needed a break. I told myself I wouldn't get so excited about specific churches again because it led to too much disappointment. I told myself that I would be excited about the church universal because of some of the great things I've read and heard about specific churches and people doing, but I wouldn't get attached to a specific church.

But I've done it again.

As I read about churches who are searching for pastors, one in particular jumped out at me. I'm hoping my excitement about this specific church is the movement of the Holy Spirit.

This is bigger than me

I've been struggling with the call process recently ...

• doubting that the committee structure is a good one
• anxious about time and dates as graduation continues to creep ever nearer
• deeply saddened that a church I really felt called to has decided to discontinue our conversation

And so I practiced some good self-care; I went to the movies with a friend and laughed and laughed. Horton Hears A Who ... good stuff. Wonderful imaginary characters and, as it turns out, some deeply theological messages. From believing without seeing and hearing to acknowledging that there are things in the world bigger than we are, it was good all around.

There's nothing like a whole box of Junior Mints (right before dinner) and a "children's" cartoon movie to help make a gloomy day better.

And so I was reminded:
This is bigger than me. This is not bigger than God.

Vision

I'm in a season of phone interviews right now. I've been asked some really great questions by call committees. Most have forced me to really define who I am and what I'm looking for.

Others are more humorous (depending on your interpretation). Here's one of them:

What's your vision?

Now after the fact I wish I would have said 20/20. But really the question was vague. We had already talked about my call story, the church's history, and the Presbyterian church. Did they want to know about my vision for ministry? for my life? for the congregation? for the PCUSA? After getting clarification, I told them I couldn't see years and years into the future. The most I could do was seek where God is calling me now.

Entering Into Holy Week

This past Sunday I entered into Holy Week in a whole new way.

I'm part of a liturgical dance/movement choir at the church I attend in town. The church marked both Palm and Passion Sunday in worship. The first half of the service focused on Palm Sunday, complete with parade and processional with palms. The second half of the service, beginning with the second scripture reading and sermon, focused on Passion Sunday.

The scripture reading of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane was interpreted through dance - Jesus and the three disciples moving to the Taize chant "Stay with Me." The group had been working on the piece for a couple of weeks during short practices on Sunday afternoons. But the text didn't stay there. I've lived with the text running through my mind, my heart, and my body for two and a half weeks now. And Sunday when we were able to offer the dance in worship, I entered into Holy Week feeling the weight of desertion and shouldering a cross (literally - I danced the part of Jesus).

It's an experience I won't soon forget.

Five Years

Five years is a long time.

Lots can change in five years. One can finish high school or college in less than that. One can go from being an infant unable to hold up her own head to walking and running and writing her own name. One's family status can undergo many changes in five years.

Five years is a long time, but it's also really not that long.

Yet, it's the most I can think into the future right now. As I'm talking with churches and discerning where God is calling me post-seminary, I've been asking myself "Can I see myself in this particular community or that particular church for at least five years?" If I can answer "yes" to that question, I feel good about continuing in conversation with committees.

I was talking to one of my pastors about this question, and she said, "Emily, I hope your first call lasts longer than five years!"

It's not that I'm limiting my first call to only five years. It's just that I can't think in any larger terms. I haven't lived in a particular place longer than four years recently. I moved across the state for college, but that was only four years. I moved across the country for seminary, but that was only four years (plus one of the years was in a different state).

So for right now, the "five year question" remains on my mind.

Middle Name Meme

I don't always participate in all the memes that fly around the blog world. But I'm left with nothing much to say these days and little time to post (plus PS's middle name is similar to mine and was a great starting point), so here goes:

1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.

2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name).

3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.)

J: I am a complete J on the Myers-Briggs scale. Organization and details ... I've got it beyond covered.

O: I am an optimistic person. Glass half-full, walking on the sunny side of the street, rose-colored glasses kind of gal.

A: I always have chocolate in my apartment. Especially dark chocolate. Mmmmm.

N: Needs a job ... seriously churches. I'm cool, I love ministry.

I'm not one to tag people, so if you want to play, do so.