The Start Date

I have an official start date. It's October 1st. It's been set for quite a while now and was even officially approved at a meeting a few weeks ago. Though I still wish my start date would have come sooner after graduation, I think it's a good start date.

My first Sunday will be October 5th, which is World Communion Sunday. I think that celebration will be a great way to kick off a new season of ministry in the church.

But back to the start date. Right now I'm wondering, how realistic it is to not do anything until the start date. I know a minister has to have a start date. I've even discovered that the bueacracy of the denomination I serve likes ministers to start on the 1st or 15th of a month.

But when the start date is a little ways off, many things start to creep onto my platter. Like some emails about meetings being scheduled in October and the upcoming church newsletter and forthcoming church bulletins and new minister orientation in the area. Now obviously some things need to be planned ahead. But when I start receiving emails about things to attend and do, I feel like I've already started my job.

Part of it is my own doing. As one heading into a solo pastor position, the task of preaching every week will be daunting at first. So the other day I hauled out my lectionary calendar and the hymnals the church uses and started to look at what I'll be preaching from now until the end of the year.

But the start date, I think it's just when I'll officially start getting paid, because I've already started ministry to and with the congregation.

It's September and all's quiet on the blog front

It's been a month and a half since I've blogged and even before that I haven't been doing a really good job at keeping up with things here. There's a number of contributing factors:

• I've accepted a call to serve a church (yeah!) and have been very busy traveling around and attending meetings. I've also been trying to figure out what shape my blogging will take as I head into this call.
  
• I've moved home to live with my parents during this time of transitioning from student to pastor. My parents don't have wireless internet and I've had to share the family computer with internet with three other people.
• In the next month I will be ordained, move to another state, settle into a house, and start my work as a pastor. The amount of planning and number of details this entails is quite overwhelming.

So, until things slow down just a bit (wait ... that may not happen until after Christmas) or until I have a more steady source of internet, I'll end with this question:

What do I want people to call me? And will my preference even matter (as in people will call me whatever they are most comfortable with anyways)?

(and if you are so led to comment, please do not use any part of my real name)

Confusing Conversation

Dan the Car Sales Man: I just need you to answer a few questions to get your financing all worked out.

Me: Okay.

Dan: What's your place of employment?

Me: _____ Church. But are you going to call them?

Dan: Do you really have a job there?

Me: Well, yes and no. The church has offered me the job and I've accepted it, but it still has to be approved by a committee before it's all official. So you can't call the church.

Dan: Okay, that should be fine. The bank just wants to know you have a job. Now do you know approximately how much money you'll be making?

Me: Well, yes. But here's the thing. I'm going to live in a manse, a house owned by the church. And that's part of my compensation. So I won't have to pay rent or a mortgage.

Dan: But do you know what your salary will be?

Me: Take home cash will be $$$.

Whew. I think I thoroughly confused the guy.

New Car

My car died. She had been a good car. Sally the Saturn had been with me for a little over 6 years when she just refused to start anymore (quad-driver, computer problems and simply old age). Though I bought her used, she got me through my last two years of college and all four years of seminary. And now she's gone on to benefit a charity.

And that means car shopping.

I thought when the time came I would buy another "previously owned" vehicle. But with a job on the horizon and the need to feel secure about my mode of transportation in a state that gets some fierce weather in the winter, I decided to look at some new cars.

I spent some time doing some research and then a day test driving my top choices. And here s/he is:



2008 Chevy Equinox in Silverstone Metallic

I'll pick the car up on Monday! And then the car payments will begin ... but for now I'm excited about a new car!

(Note to car sales people: Talking about how badly you need to use the bathroom to relieve yourself, and in not so polite terms, is not a good way to attract customers. Also, the manager encouraging his employee to blow off the customer wandering around outside so the two of you can go get a good seat at a restaurant in a voice loud enough for other customers to hear is not impressive.)

My Summer Vacation in My Summer Home

It's been a month since I've posted (and with good reason).

I'm on vacation right now. I'm not anywhere exotic sipping fun drinks on the beach.

I've simply declared June my month of vacation. I'm staying in my summer home (aka the apartment of friends who are abroad). I'm sleeping long hours and waking to the sounds of birds rather than my alarm. I spend my days reading fiction, watching DVDs, working out at the Y (if I can muster up the motivation), catching up with and hanging out with friends, and just plain relaxing.

I can't remember the last time I had a true summer vacation. So I thought I would get one more in before I officially enter adulthood and the work force and full time ministry.

Signs of the Times

Packing
Truck will be packed up on Saturday afternoon. Apartment must be packed up before then. I own a ton of books. I keep thinking of more things hiding in closets and cupboards that need to be packed. Grateful for my parents who are flying in today to help finish up the packing.




Playing
Really enjoying this last week with my fellow seminarians before we scatter all over the place. Lots of planned and impromptu get-togethers and parties, relaxing and chatting. And really, where else would a hymn sing be this much fun ... ?



Planning
As graduation approaches, more and more people are asking about my plans for the summer. And I'm okay saying "I'm not too sure." I'm still working through the call process/job search. Besides doing that, June will be a well-deserved sabbath. I don't remember the last time my planner was so empty.

Done!

I'm done.

• The last of my seminary exams, final papers, and projects were done by noon on Thursday, May 8th. It felt wonderful to finish up. Yet, I know I'll also miss the afternoons of research in the library. Which maybe means I'm just done for now ...
  
• I taught my last dance class at the Y that day also. My dance kids performed on Friday, May 9th and did an awesome job. They are adorable and I will miss them. I also participated in the teacher's exhibition/show. Being able to express myself through a dance was a great end to the week.
• And perhaps the most telling indicator that I'm done: I had a wonderfully relaxing Sunday. I went to church and stayed after for lunch and fellowship. I laid on the couch and read a book (fiction - for fun!). I took a nap. I watched some tv. I called my mom. Ahhh, the sabbath.
  

Entering Into Holy Week

This past Sunday I entered into Holy Week in a whole new way.

I'm part of a liturgical dance/movement choir at the church I attend in town. The church marked both Palm and Passion Sunday in worship. The first half of the service focused on Palm Sunday, complete with parade and processional with palms. The second half of the service, beginning with the second scripture reading and sermon, focused on Passion Sunday.

The scripture reading of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane was interpreted through dance - Jesus and the three disciples moving to the Taize chant "Stay with Me." The group had been working on the piece for a couple of weeks during short practices on Sunday afternoons. But the text didn't stay there. I've lived with the text running through my mind, my heart, and my body for two and a half weeks now. And Sunday when we were able to offer the dance in worship, I entered into Holy Week feeling the weight of desertion and shouldering a cross (literally - I danced the part of Jesus).

It's an experience I won't soon forget.

Five Years

Five years is a long time.

Lots can change in five years. One can finish high school or college in less than that. One can go from being an infant unable to hold up her own head to walking and running and writing her own name. One's family status can undergo many changes in five years.

Five years is a long time, but it's also really not that long.

Yet, it's the most I can think into the future right now. As I'm talking with churches and discerning where God is calling me post-seminary, I've been asking myself "Can I see myself in this particular community or that particular church for at least five years?" If I can answer "yes" to that question, I feel good about continuing in conversation with committees.

I was talking to one of my pastors about this question, and she said, "Emily, I hope your first call lasts longer than five years!"

It's not that I'm limiting my first call to only five years. It's just that I can't think in any larger terms. I haven't lived in a particular place longer than four years recently. I moved across the state for college, but that was only four years. I moved across the country for seminary, but that was only four years (plus one of the years was in a different state).

So for right now, the "five year question" remains on my mind.

The Point I'm At

Searching for a job can be a full time job in itself. The work of reading forms and initiating "dating" relationships with potential churches can be really invigorating, but it can also be so draining, exhausting, frustrating, etc.

Yet, I'd still rather be doing that than be a student. School is good; my elective is great; learning is important. I've just reached a point where I know that I'm not going to know it all when I leave and that's fine and I'm okay with that.

So I'd rather be in the church actually involved in ministry than stuck in a classroom at this point.

Update:
A timely reminder from the stamp I gave my kids at the Y today ...

I'm a star! This whole call process will work out.

Rhythms of Grace

"Are you tired? Worn out? ... Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace ... " Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

I am passionate about the practice of Sabbath. It's an important spiritual discipline in my life. It first started when I was in college and I struggled with feeling defined by the things that I did (mainly school work, studying and such). I started practicing Sabbath to remember who I was ... a child of God; a daughter and a sister; a friend; a person who could just be and the world wouldn't stop.

I've continued to observe Sabbath over the years, though in many different ways. It changes as my life changes and my schedule and my work dictate new times and days and ways of observing Sabbath. Sometimes it's been the whole of Sunday or part of Saturday or a day in the middle of the week. At times it has meant that I don't do homework or study, or I don't run errands, or I just do the things I really want to do, or I spend time being in relationship with God, friends, and family.

But regardless of how it manifests itself, I continue to practice Sabbath, because I need that reminder of who I am.

Lately, however, I've had an overabundance of free time, of downtime, of opportunities to practice Sabbath. In these two weeks between the end of Jan term and the start of spring semester, I've got a whole lot of time. And at first it was really good. I spend time doing lots of things I often run out of time for:

• I've been to the movies with friends ... twice
• I've been out to eat with friends ... multiple times
• I've watched movies on my couch ... five and counting
• I've finished two knitting projects and started two new ones
• I've slept in late and relaxed
• I've read and read and read ... completing four books with three more in the works

and I've become bored with this abundance of time. I've still got half a week until classes start up again.

And I'm wondering about the practice of Sabbath: What about those six days of work? How does not having that change the unforced rhythms of grace? What's the distinction between Sabbath and free time?

Snow Came Down in the South!

It snowed! And I loved it. It reminded me of winters further north, albeit with much more snow than the light dusting outside. But still, it was snow!

I stood outside in the big flakes. I tried to catch some on my tongue. I kept the blinds open all night so I could watch the snow fall. I soaked it up for all it was worth.

I laughed at the news reports and those who were freaking out. Then the next day, it was all gone.

But while it lasted, it was beautiful. I really am a northern girl at heart.

I Need a Little Christmas ...

right this very minute!

I'm at home in Michigan, decorating the Christmas tree. I decorated my apartment for Christmas and winter before I left for Thanksgiving.

I just need a little Christmas right now. I need the promise of new life, the hope of redemption, and the joy of festivities.

So even though, as a seminary student, I know it's not Christmas yet, not to mention Advent hasn't even started, I'm starting to celebrate Christmas.

I've done enough watching and waiting with families and loved ones at the hospital. I need a little Christmas right now.

Recharging

After nights like this and generally working long hours in a hospital at the crossroads of new life, trauma, tragedy, and death, I needed to recharge and get centered and in a place to continue such work (at least until the end of this semester).

So, this week I have

• slept long hours in my own bed
• read an entire book for fun
• jumped on a trampoline
• enjoyed the fall weather (that has finally arrived)
• consumed yummy food and much needed margaritas
  
• gone to the movies
• ignored some deadlines in order to do these things.

And it has been wonderfully renewing.

I will be ready to return to the hospital on Monday.

CPE and the Introvert

It's no shock to anyone who knows me that I'm an introvert. I like being around people and being social. However, at the end of a long day or when things are stressful, I really want to be by myself and curl up with a good book or veg on the couch or zone out and knit.

CPE is forcing me into lots of solo introvert/recharge time. I spend my days at the hospital meeting a whole slew of new patients and am drained. I return home and hole up in my place.

So it feels like when I'm not at the hospital, I'm either recovering from being there or preparing to go back. I'm (only) at the hospital two days and one overnight shift a week - roughly 30 hours/week. But right now it seems like CPE is controlling the way I live my life.

A Different Person?

I visited with my faculty advisor the other day. Just stopped by his office. I was sharing about my yearlong internship experience. He also did a yearlong when he was in seminary. He told me he entered his final year of seminary a totally different person.

So I've been thinking ... am I a different person now than I was fifteen months ago? I mean different beyond the inevitable growth and change that occurs over time.

I still feel called to be in the church as a Minister of Word and Sacrament. I'm still interested in the intersections between art and spirituality and life. I still like creating space for and planning for worship. I'm still an introvert who loves to read.

I do have new questions about how a congregation functions as a family system. I do have more questions about how we handle conflict in our lives and in the church.

But am I a different person?

Whew.

It's been four weeks since I've blogged. Lots has happened. But I finally have a moment to write and reflect.

• I'm fully settled in my new place now. I even have things on the walls.
• I traveled home to Michigan to see family and attend a friend's wedding.
• I made it through Clinical Pastoral Education orientation (more on CPE later).
• I survived my first night as the on-call chaplain at the hospital. I was the envy of the other students as I didn't receive any calls.
• I attended and participated in the Convocation Service and officially started the new (and last) school year.

Okay ... so maybe this entry won't involve much reflection, but at least it's a new post.

Words for the Day

Simplify.

Moving often has helped to keep my possessions to a smaller quantity than if I were permanently living somewhere. However, as I moved apartments today, I still felt like I had too much stuff. Five bags of clothes and miscellaneous items are being dropped off at the Salvation Army tomorrow.

New.

New apartment and new bed. I'm really excited about the bed. Feels right to be somewhere new for the new year.

Back

I'm back on campus at seminary.

I'm exhausted.

It's weird to be here.

Putt-Putt

I played putt-putt golf with some friends last night. It was still awfully hot and humid at 7pm, but we had a good time anyways. None of us were even close to par ... this course was much more difficult than it looked. And then there were the times when the golf balls went into the water and through the bushes and into the water and backwards and into the water... can you tell we had to fish some balls out of the water? Let's just say it wasn't so much about the accuracy as it was about the fun.

But reflecting on the fun and games from last night, I've realized that I approach life much like I approached the course last night. Whenever we started at a new hole, I always walked around it to the end. I had to see where the final hole was; if there were multiple holes that would shoot my ball out at the end, I wanted to know where it was going to come out. However, one of the friends with whom I was playing often just stepped up and started while I was still investigating the turns and dips and holes (caused me to have to jump a few times). She just figured her ball would come out wherever it was supposed to come out. Me ... I wanted to know ahead of time. I wanted to be able to plan.