I’ve been thinking about lines and boundaries and appropriateness lately. These thoughts have probably been spurred by some of the following occurrences:
- “You better watch out because you’re just a lump of sugar. Someone might come along and bake you right into a cake and eat you up.” ~ 93 year old male congregation member
- whistles sound in the sanctuary as I walk by as I am preparing for the worship service ~ male choir member
- “Your legs look great in that skirt” ~ 90s male congregation member
6 comments:
Ugh. I've experienced similar from a couple members of my congregation - it does make me quite uncomfortable to do - but as I haven't found a solution, I'll just wait and see what others say here!
ok, anyone over about 85 years old, I can put up with just about anything from. But getting whistled at from your choir? That would be unacceptable to me. Next time it happens, I would turn around immediately, and ask the guilty party exactly why a whistle was necessary. Have you talked to your supervisor about this?
The comments from the older men were easier to deal with at first, but seeing as how the 93 year old man only makes those kind of comments and is not capable of carrying on a normal conversation with me ... well, it has gotten old.
I did talk to my supervisor about the older men who were making comments. His thoughts were basically along the lines of "deal with it." However, I think he got a better sense of what I'm feeling after some little old ladies were kissing him on the cheek after the worship service one Sunday.
Why is this appropriate? For ANY age? What if it were older women saying to your boss "nice booty pastor, wear those pants again."
When I worked in long term care, we were told to gently but firmly tell the patients who touched a body part other than our hands, or who made a sexual innuendo, "that is not appropriate" and disengage.
Don't GET me started!!!
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i think next time someone says or does something like that you should slap them in the face, no matter what age they are.
(ok, so the comment is totally unhelpful to your situation. but the image of you actually slapping these people really brings a smile to my face.)
Childish behavior deserves a quick "parental" response. "Your [comment, gesture, outburst] makes me uncomfortable. It is disrespectful and I never want to hear it again."
If it were to happen a second time, I would take an elder with you to confront the individual within 24 hours after the incident.
If it were to happen a third time, I would ask the individual to appear before the whole session to be disciplined for his behavior.
Men associate sex with power. Ironicly, a strong, clear, and powerful declaration of your boundaries will usually earn the respect of a man and you can be a more effective pastor.
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