My time at the internship church is wrapping up and I had my last supervision session with the pastor today. It has been an amazing experience - I was a good fit for the church and congregation and they were a good fit for me. I had many really good experiences this summer and learned a lot.
So, as I was reflecting on the past 10 weeks with the pastor I shared that the hardest thing for me this summer didn't have to do with anything ministry-related per se; one of the hardest aspects of the summer was how lonely I felt. Moving to a new state for 10 weeks, I didn't have any friends in the area; I didn't really know anyone outside of the church. And that was hard. Sometimes I just wanted to kick back with someone and hang out or go see a movie.
The pastor talked about how ministry can be a very lonely profession. And that might be a cross I need to bear as I continue into ministry in my future. Well that gave me a pretty dismal outlook.
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I stumbled across your Blog, and just read your honest assessment of the summer and of your perspective of the last supervision session with the pastor.
Although I am not in your shoes, I did want to share the two words that came to mind immediately -- ouch & arg. Ouch, because loneliness is a tough companion. And arg, because I think that loneliness isn't limited to ministry, nor do I believe that it is a prerequsite for ministry.
Realistically, 10 weeks did not give you much time to get to know people and make friends. Given more time and opportunities to meet others, I am sure that would have made a difference. Furthermore, there are also ministry opportunities that involve teamwork. Working within a team environment with others with whom you felt comfortable and could share your laughs and concerns with, would have also made a difference on how you viewed your summer.
My take on it is, as much as you had a tough summer, I think it's great that you have learned that you don't enjoy working in isolation. That you are more of a team player. What an invaluable thing to know about yourself for future reference! And so do consider looking into options that involve teamwork.
You have had a long, hard summer. Don't take this moment to make any life-changing decisions. Take some time out to take it easy, and to talk with someone whom you trust to give you some listening time and also to give you some sound advice.
I personally am learning to "run in the path of His commands for He has set my heart free." (Psalm 119:32). Don't stop dancing now. I really don't believe that loneliness is something you should feel you have to look forward to. Do take some time to rest, but know that the best is yet to be. And don't take up any cross and bear it that God never intended for you. Because when you've found your niche, you will not only dance, you will soar! Blessings on your continued journey!
When you get to your new church (on down the road), find yourself some friends who are *NOT* members of the church...ones with whom you can be totally yourself in all your human glory and ick. No need to be lonely, but friends must come from outside the church...
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