(pound, pound, pound, pound) MAINTENANCE!
(pound, pound, pound, pound) MAINTENANCE!
I was awoken this morning at 11am by this racket on my door. Maintenance had come to change the filters in the heating and cooling unit in my living room and bedroom.
No, I wasn't being particularly lazy this morning. I was recovering from being on call last night at the hospital and getting roughly three to four hours of sleep that was punctuated by two adult deaths and a perinatal loss.
I had hoped to sleep for four hours this morning. But I was roused from my sleep and reminded that my student world and the world in general spins madly on even though it seems to stop and be disconnected while I am at the hospital.
October 02, 2007
September 25, 2007
The CPE Experience
This semester I am doing Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) at a local hospital as a part of my course load. Though I believe it will be a valuable experience, I am not in the program by choice, but rather per the requirements of my CPM.
Components of CPE include group time for learning and processing, individual supervision, daytime clinical hours, and nighttime on-call shifts. All of the components have not been easy to fit into my schedule this semester as I am also taking a pastoral care class and doing an independent study. However, the most difficult pressure on my schedule has been the on-call shifts.
Weekday shifts are 16 hours and weekend shifts are 24 hours. Not to mention the recovery time before and/or after catching up on sleep and processing the emotional drain.
Yet even with all of this, I like offering pastoral care in on-call situations better than during daytime clinical hours. Might sound strange. I'm still trying to figure it out.
But last week
Components of CPE include group time for learning and processing, individual supervision, daytime clinical hours, and nighttime on-call shifts. All of the components have not been easy to fit into my schedule this semester as I am also taking a pastoral care class and doing an independent study. However, the most difficult pressure on my schedule has been the on-call shifts.
Weekday shifts are 16 hours and weekend shifts are 24 hours. Not to mention the recovery time before and/or after catching up on sleep and processing the emotional drain.
Yet even with all of this, I like offering pastoral care in on-call situations better than during daytime clinical hours. Might sound strange. I'm still trying to figure it out.
But last week
- I sat with a woman who had performed CPR on her friend as she died on the side of road;
- I watched a large family say goodbye to a loved one as life support was withdrawn;
- I visited a woman who had to say goodbye to a baby who never drew a breath in this world;
- I spoke with a couple who is unsure of how many breaths their baby will take in this world
September 19, 2007
A Different Person?
I visited with my faculty advisor the other day. Just stopped by his office. I was sharing about my yearlong internship experience. He also did a yearlong when he was in seminary. He told me he entered his final year of seminary a totally different person.
So I've been thinking ... am I a different person now than I was fifteen months ago? I mean different beyond the inevitable growth and change that occurs over time.
I still feel called to be in the church as a Minister of Word and Sacrament. I'm still interested in the intersections between art and spirituality and life. I still like creating space for and planning for worship. I'm still an introvert who loves to read.
I do have new questions about how a congregation functions as a family system. I do have more questions about how we handle conflict in our lives and in the church.
But am I a different person?
So I've been thinking ... am I a different person now than I was fifteen months ago? I mean different beyond the inevitable growth and change that occurs over time.
I still feel called to be in the church as a Minister of Word and Sacrament. I'm still interested in the intersections between art and spirituality and life. I still like creating space for and planning for worship. I'm still an introvert who loves to read.
I do have new questions about how a congregation functions as a family system. I do have more questions about how we handle conflict in our lives and in the church.
But am I a different person?
September 18, 2007
Back in the Saddle Again
I had class a week ago for the first time since I left for my year of internship work. It was weird. I'm in class with students that used to be in the class below me ... they are now my graduating class.
It's been almost a year and a half since I sat in a classroom and listened to lectures, did homework, and wrote papers. It'll be an adjustment. I think the rhythm of the school year and being a student will come back to me, but right now, as I finish a paper and some reading for class tonight, it still feels weird.
It's been almost a year and a half since I sat in a classroom and listened to lectures, did homework, and wrote papers. It'll be an adjustment. I think the rhythm of the school year and being a student will come back to me, but right now, as I finish a paper and some reading for class tonight, it still feels weird.
September 10, 2007
Whew.
It's been four weeks since I've blogged. Lots has happened. But I finally have a moment to write and reflect.
- I'm fully settled in my new place now. I even have things on the walls.
- I traveled home to Michigan to see family and attend a friend's wedding.
- I made it through Clinical Pastoral Education orientation (more on CPE later).
- I survived my first night as the on-call chaplain at the hospital. I was the envy of the other students as I didn't receive any calls.
- I attended and participated in the Convocation Service and officially started the new (and last) school year.
August 15, 2007
Words for the Day
Simplify.
Moving often has helped to keep my possessions to a smaller quantity than if I were permanently living somewhere. However, as I moved apartments today, I still felt like I had too much stuff. Five bags of clothes and miscellaneous items are being dropped off at the Salvation Army tomorrow.
New.
New apartment and new bed. I'm really excited about the bed. Feels right to be somewhere new for the new year.
Moving often has helped to keep my possessions to a smaller quantity than if I were permanently living somewhere. However, as I moved apartments today, I still felt like I had too much stuff. Five bags of clothes and miscellaneous items are being dropped off at the Salvation Army tomorrow.
New.
New apartment and new bed. I'm really excited about the bed. Feels right to be somewhere new for the new year.
August 13, 2007
August 12, 2007
Faith
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Hebrews 11:1 - 12:2
Faith.
It’s just a five-letter word.
It wouldn’t earn many points in a game of Scrabble.
It might even be laughed at
by those who take their Scrabble a little too seriously.
Faith.
It’s just a five-letter word.
It’s not the biggest or most impressive sounding word
a seminary-educated individual, like myself, could use.
There’s words and phrases like
eschatological imagination,
hermeneutic of suspicion,
subjective atonement,
soteriology,
and pneumatology.
Now those would be some big, five-dollar words
to leave you with on my last Sunday.
But they aren’t the words for today.
There’s just one word today,
maybe even the one word: faith.
Faith.
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for,
the conviction of things not seen.” (Heb 11:1)
“Faith is the firm foundation under everything
that makes life worth living.
It’s our handle on what we can’t see.” (The Message)
“Faith is the complete trust or confidence in someone or something.” (dictionary.com)
“Faith is a firm and certain knowledge of God’s benevolence toward us,
founded upon the truth of the freely given promise of Jesus Christ,
both revealed to our minds & sealed on our hearts by the Holy Spirit.” (Calvin)
Those are some good definitions –
from a couple different translations of the Bible,
and from a dictionary and from good ol’ Calvin
(can’t forget about him) –
but what does it all mean …
What is faith … really?
Pushing aside the English geek or grammatical fanatic,
and the fact that the word “faith” is listed as a noun in the dictionary,
I think faith is really best thought of as a verb,
as an action word.
You know:
Billy and Susie ran.
Spot jumped.
Mommy yelled.
Because as author Kathleen Norris puts it,
faith is more than just a thing that you either have or you don’t.
Faith is not just an abstract concept.
It’s trust in God in the every day stuff.
It’s obedience to the Lord’s commands.
And those two things require some doing.
And so,
faith is an action word.
We see that word in action in chapter 11 of Hebrews.
There is a whole litany of the actions of the faithful over the years.
In the past,
faith has been
building a ginormous ark
even though you haven’t ever seen a torrential downpour or a flood;
faith has been
setting out for a new, promised land,
even though you have no idea
what a land flowing with milk and honey
actually looks like or if it even exists;
faith has been
walking around a city and blowing trumpets
even though you have never seen such actions
bring a city to its knees.
Faith has been about the doing (the verb part)
the building and the setting out and the walking,
despite reason, and “even thoughs,”
“althoughs” and “neverthelesses.”
And faith is still an action today.
It’s offering to God a portion of our money
even though we might be unsure about the bills later in the month
or the retirement savings and fund.
And faith is sharing food and clothing with neighbors
even though we’re worried about them both running out
and we’re not sure if the person is even really our neighbor.
And faith is worshipping the Lord our God with song and prayer
even though we might not be certain about everything.
Faith is more than lip service –
saying “I believe this” or “I don’t believe that.”
It’s putting those beliefs into action –
into the actual offering and sharing and worshipping.
It’s living faith.
It’s faith as an action word.
And those actions come from ordinary people.
Ordinary people –
like you and me
and the person on the street corner
and the one with a lisp
and the one who was barren
and the ones who liked to complain.
Ordinary people who were willing to move and do –
do some confident wandering,
rather than just some stationary wondering.
Ordinary people
who trust in and obey an extraordinary God.
So more than the five letters and the smart sounding definitions,
faith is moving beyond the “I believe” to the “therefore, I do …”
It’s about adding on some good verbs:
singing;
praying;
listening;
sharing;
serving.
What does your faith do?
Faith.
That’s it …
and that’s everything.
Thanks be to God. Amen.
Hebrews 11:1 - 12:2
Faith.
It’s just a five-letter word.
It wouldn’t earn many points in a game of Scrabble.
It might even be laughed at
by those who take their Scrabble a little too seriously.
Faith.
It’s just a five-letter word.
It’s not the biggest or most impressive sounding word
a seminary-educated individual, like myself, could use.
There’s words and phrases like
eschatological imagination,
hermeneutic of suspicion,
subjective atonement,
soteriology,
and pneumatology.
Now those would be some big, five-dollar words
to leave you with on my last Sunday.
But they aren’t the words for today.
There’s just one word today,
maybe even the one word: faith.
Faith.
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for,
the conviction of things not seen.” (Heb 11:1)
“Faith is the firm foundation under everything
that makes life worth living.
It’s our handle on what we can’t see.” (The Message)
“Faith is the complete trust or confidence in someone or something.” (dictionary.com)
“Faith is a firm and certain knowledge of God’s benevolence toward us,
founded upon the truth of the freely given promise of Jesus Christ,
both revealed to our minds & sealed on our hearts by the Holy Spirit.” (Calvin)
Those are some good definitions –
from a couple different translations of the Bible,
and from a dictionary and from good ol’ Calvin
(can’t forget about him) –
but what does it all mean …
What is faith … really?
Pushing aside the English geek or grammatical fanatic,
and the fact that the word “faith” is listed as a noun in the dictionary,
I think faith is really best thought of as a verb,
as an action word.
You know:
Billy and Susie ran.
Spot jumped.
Mommy yelled.
Because as author Kathleen Norris puts it,
faith is more than just a thing that you either have or you don’t.
Faith is not just an abstract concept.
It’s trust in God in the every day stuff.
It’s obedience to the Lord’s commands.
And those two things require some doing.
And so,
faith is an action word.
We see that word in action in chapter 11 of Hebrews.
There is a whole litany of the actions of the faithful over the years.
In the past,
faith has been
building a ginormous ark
even though you haven’t ever seen a torrential downpour or a flood;
faith has been
setting out for a new, promised land,
even though you have no idea
what a land flowing with milk and honey
actually looks like or if it even exists;
faith has been
walking around a city and blowing trumpets
even though you have never seen such actions
bring a city to its knees.
Faith has been about the doing (the verb part)
the building and the setting out and the walking,
despite reason, and “even thoughs,”
“althoughs” and “neverthelesses.”
And faith is still an action today.
It’s offering to God a portion of our money
even though we might be unsure about the bills later in the month
or the retirement savings and fund.
And faith is sharing food and clothing with neighbors
even though we’re worried about them both running out
and we’re not sure if the person is even really our neighbor.
And faith is worshipping the Lord our God with song and prayer
even though we might not be certain about everything.
Faith is more than lip service –
saying “I believe this” or “I don’t believe that.”
It’s putting those beliefs into action –
into the actual offering and sharing and worshipping.
It’s living faith.
It’s faith as an action word.
And those actions come from ordinary people.
Ordinary people –
like you and me
and the person on the street corner
and the one with a lisp
and the one who was barren
and the ones who liked to complain.
Ordinary people who were willing to move and do –
do some confident wandering,
rather than just some stationary wondering.
Ordinary people
who trust in and obey an extraordinary God.
So more than the five letters and the smart sounding definitions,
faith is moving beyond the “I believe” to the “therefore, I do …”
It’s about adding on some good verbs:
singing;
praying;
listening;
sharing;
serving.
What does your faith do?
Faith.
That’s it …
and that’s everything.
Thanks be to God. Amen.
August 06, 2007
Putt-Putt
I played putt-putt golf with some friends last night. It was still awfully hot and humid at 7pm, but we had a good time anyways. None of us were even close to par ... this course was much more difficult than it looked. And then there were the times when the golf balls went into the water and through the bushes and into the water and backwards and into the water... can you tell we had to fish some balls out of the water? Let's just say it wasn't so much about the accuracy as it was about the fun.But reflecting on the fun and games from last night, I've realized that I approach life much like I approached the course last night. Whenever we started at a new hole, I always walked around it to the end. I had to see where the final hole was; if there were multiple holes that would shoot my ball out at the end, I wanted to know where it was going to come out. However, one of the friends with whom I was playing often just stepped up and started while I was still investigating the turns and dips and holes (caused me to have to jump a few times). She just figured her ball would come out wherever it was supposed to come out. Me ... I wanted to know ahead of time. I wanted to be able to plan.
August 03, 2007
Leaving Soon
The countdown continues and it's hit the single digits ... only 9 more days left until I am done.
That means I'll be leaving Internship Church soon and returning to seminary for my final year.
But between the end of my yearlong internship and the start of my senior year, I have three glorious weeks. And that's what I'm focusing on right now. I've scheduled a haircut and a massage, which both always lift my spirits. I'm already arranging and rearranging my apartment at seminary in my head - it'll be so nice to have my own space again. I can't wait to spend some time at home with family and friends and mentors who are ready to give me space to relax and to love on me.
Suddenly 9 more days doesn't seem long at all.
That means I'll be leaving Internship Church soon and returning to seminary for my final year.
But between the end of my yearlong internship and the start of my senior year, I have three glorious weeks. And that's what I'm focusing on right now. I've scheduled a haircut and a massage, which both always lift my spirits. I'm already arranging and rearranging my apartment at seminary in my head - it'll be so nice to have my own space again. I can't wait to spend some time at home with family and friends and mentors who are ready to give me space to relax and to love on me.
Suddenly 9 more days doesn't seem long at all.
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