Dancing With God

The Start Date

2008-09-11T15:03:00.001-05:00

I have an official start date. It's October 1st. It's been set for quite a while now and was even officially approved at a meeting a few weeks ago. Though I still wish my start date would have come sooner after graduation, I think it's a good start date.

My first Sunday will be October 5th, which is World Communion Sunday. I think that celebration will be a great way to kick off a new season of ministry in the church.

But back to the start date. Right now I'm wondering, how realistic it is to not do anything until the start date. I know a minister has to have a start date. I've even discovered that the bueacracy of the denomination I serve likes ministers to start on the 1st or 15th of a month.

But when the start date is a little ways off, many things start to creep onto my platter. Like some emails about meetings being scheduled in October and the upcoming church newsletter and forthcoming church bulletins and new minister orientation in the area. Now obviously some things need to be planned ahead. But when I start receiving emails about things to attend and do, I feel like I've already started my job.

Part of it is my own doing. As one heading into a solo pastor position, the task of preaching every week will be daunting at first. So the other day I hauled out my lectionary calendar and the hymnals the church uses and started to look at what I'll be preaching from now until the end of the year.

But the start date, I think it's just when I'll officially start getting paid, because I've already started ministry to and with the congregation.

It's September and all's quiet on the blog front

2008-09-07T08:56:00.004-05:00

It's been a month and a half since I've blogged and even before that I haven't been doing a really good job at keeping up with things here. There's a number of contributing factors:

I've accepted a call to serve a church (yeah!) and have been very busy traveling around and attending meetings. I've also been trying to figure out what shape my blogging will take as I head into this call.
I've moved home to live with my parents during this time of transitioning from student to pastor. My parents don't have wireless internet and I've had to share the family computer with internet with three other people.
In the next month I will be ordained, move to another state, settle into a house, and start my work as a pastor. The amount of planning and number of details this entails is quite overwhelming.

So, until things slow down just a bit (wait ... that may not happen until after Christmas) or until I have a more steady source of internet, I'll end with this question:

What do I want people to call me? And will my preference even matter (as in people will call me whatever they are most comfortable with anyways)?

(and if you are so led to comment, please do not use any part of my real name)

Confusing Conversation

2008-07-20T14:45:00.002-05:00

Dan the Car Sales Man: I just need you to answer a few questions to get your financing all worked out.

Me: Okay.

Dan: What's your place of employment?

Me: _____ Church. But are you going to call them?

Dan: Do you really have a job there?

Me: Well, yes and no. The church has offered me the job and I've accepted it, but it still has to be approved by a committee before it's all official. So you can't call the church.

Dan: Okay, that should be fine. The bank just wants to know you have a job. Now do you know approximately how much money you'll be making?

Me: Well, yes. But here's the thing. I'm going to live in a manse, a house owned by the church. And that's part of my compensation. So I won't have to pay rent or a mortgage.

Dan: But do you know what your salary will be?

Me: Take home cash will be $$$.

Whew. I think I thoroughly confused the guy.

New Car

2008-07-18T15:56:00.005-05:00

My car died. She had been a good car. Sally the Saturn had been with me for a little over 6 years when she just refused to start anymore (quad-driver, computer problems and simply old age). Though I bought her used, she got me through my last two years of college and all four years of seminary. And now she's gone on to benefit a charity.

And that means car shopping.

I thought when the time came I would buy another "previously owned" vehicle. But with a job on the horizon and the need to feel secure about my mode of transportation in a state that gets some fierce weather in the winter, I decided to look at some new cars.

I spent some time doing some research and then a day test driving my top choices. And here s/he is:

2008 Chevy Equinox in Silverstone Metallic

I'll pick the car up on Monday! And then the car payments will begin ... but for now I'm excited about a new car!

(Note to car sales people: Talking about how badly you need to use the bathroom to relieve yourself, and in not so polite terms, is not a good way to attract customers. Also, the manager encouraging his employee to blow off the customer wandering around outside so the two of you can go get a good seat at a restaurant in a voice loud enough for other customers to hear is not impressive.)

My Summer Vacation in My Summer Home

2008-06-17T20:59:00.002-05:00

It's been a month since I've posted (and with good reason).

I'm on vacation right now. I'm not anywhere exotic sipping fun drinks on the beach.

I've simply declared June my month of vacation. I'm staying in my summer home (aka the apartment of friends who are abroad). I'm sleeping long hours and waking to the sounds of birds rather than my alarm. I spend my days reading fiction, watching DVDs, working out at the Y (if I can muster up the motivation), catching up with and hanging out with friends, and just plain relaxing.

I can't remember the last time I had a true summer vacation. So I thought I would get one more in before I officially enter adulthood and the work force and full time ministry.

Moving

2008-05-18T09:20:00.005-05:00

There's been lots of movement in my life lately.

My parents flew down on Wednesday and were in town until this morning for all of the graduation festivities.
My apartment is empty; it echoes as I walk through it. The walls are dingy; the cupboards are bare. I sit on a borrowed end table that will be returned to its owner this afternoon. The majority of my possessions and all of my furniture is en route to the Midwest, to spend some time in my parents' basement.
Yesterday I sat among classmates as we received our diplomas and hoods, moved our tassel from right to left, and recessed out of the church sanctuary as those having mastered all things divine.

And this is the right time for all of these movements to occur. Last year I could have been part of the graduating class, but this year was the right time for that walk across the stage.

Now, I pray for the Holy Spirit to move in the call process.

Signs of the Times

2008-05-14T08:26:00.007-05:00

Packing
Truck will be packed up on Saturday afternoon. Apartment must be packed up before then. I own a ton of books. I keep thinking of more things hiding in closets and cupboards that need to be packed. Grateful for my parents who are flying in today to help finish up the packing.

Playing
Really enjoying this last week with my fellow seminarians before we scatter all over the place. Lots of planned and impromptu get-togethers and parties, relaxing and chatting. And really, where else would a hymn sing be this much fun ... ?

Planning
As graduation approaches, more and more people are asking about my plans for the summer. And I'm okay saying "I'm not too sure." I'm still working through the call process/job search. Besides doing that, June will be a well-deserved sabbath. I don't remember the last time my planner was so empty.

Done!

2008-05-12T10:18:00.002-05:00

I'm done.

The last of my seminary exams, final papers, and projects were done by noon on Thursday, May 8th. It felt wonderful to finish up. Yet, I know I'll also miss the afternoons of research in the library. Which maybe means I'm just done for now ...
I taught my last dance class at the Y that day also. My dance kids performed on Friday, May 9th and did an awesome job. They are adorable and I will miss them. I also participated in the teacher's exhibition/show. Being able to express myself through a dance was a great end to the week.
And perhaps the most telling indicator that I'm done: I had a wonderfully relaxing Sunday. I went to church and stayed after for lunch and fellowship. I laid on the couch and read a book (fiction - for fun!). I took a nap. I watched some tv. I called my mom. Ahhh, the sabbath.

Falling In Love ...

2008-04-26T18:59:00.003-05:00

Not with a person.
With a church.
With specific churches.

Churches that I had applied to.
Churches that I was really excited about because of their ministry and vision, the positions open and the people I had talked to.

And now I'm back at square one because it turns out that those churches are not where the Spirit is leading me. I gave myself a week off from the call process. I needed a break. I told myself I wouldn't get so excited about specific churches again because it led to too much disappointment. I told myself that I would be excited about the church universal because of some of the great things I've read and heard about specific churches and people doing, but I wouldn't get attached to a specific church.

But I've done it again.

As I read about churches who are searching for pastors, one in particular jumped out at me. I'm hoping my excitement about this specific church is the movement of the Holy Spirit.

This is bigger than me

2008-04-05T19:28:00.003-05:00

I've been struggling with the call process recently ...

doubting that the committee structure is a good one
anxious about time and dates as graduation continues to creep ever nearer
deeply saddened that a church I really felt called to has decided to discontinue our conversation

And so I practiced some good self-care; I went to the movies with a friend and laughed and laughed. Horton Hears A Who ... good stuff. Wonderful imaginary characters and, as it turns out, some deeply theological messages. From believing without seeing and hearing to acknowledging that there are things in the world bigger than we are, it was good all around.

There's nothing like a whole box of Junior Mints (right before dinner) and a "children's" cartoon movie to help make a gloomy day better.

And so I was reminded:
This is bigger than me. This is not bigger than God.

Vision

2008-03-29T19:43:00.007-05:00

I'm in a season of phone interviews right now. I've been asked some really great questions by call committees. Most have forced me to really define who I am and what I'm looking for.

Others are more humorous (depending on your interpretation). Here's one of them:

What's your vision?

Now after the fact I wish I would have said 20/20. But really the question was vague. We had already talked about my call story, the church's history, and the Presbyterian church. Did they want to know about my vision for ministry? for my life? for the congregation? for the PCUSA? After getting clarification, I told them I couldn't see years and years into the future. The most I could do was seek where God is calling me now.

Entering Into Holy Week

2008-03-18T08:31:00.003-05:00

This past Sunday I entered into Holy Week in a whole new way.

I'm part of a liturgical dance/movement choir at the church I attend in town. The church marked both Palm and Passion Sunday in worship. The first half of the service focused on Palm Sunday, complete with parade and processional with palms. The second half of the service, beginning with the second scripture reading and sermon, focused on Passion Sunday.

The scripture reading of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane was interpreted through dance - Jesus and the three disciples moving to the Taize chant "Stay with Me." The group had been working on the piece for a couple of weeks during short practices on Sunday afternoons. But the text didn't stay there. I've lived with the text running through my mind, my heart, and my body for two and a half weeks now. And Sunday when we were able to offer the dance in worship, I entered into Holy Week feeling the weight of desertion and shouldering a cross (literally - I danced the part of Jesus).

It's an experience I won't soon forget.

Five Years

2008-03-14T12:28:00.002-05:00

Five years is a long time.

Lots can change in five years. One can finish high school or college in less than that. One can go from being an infant unable to hold up her own head to walking and running and writing her own name. One's family status can undergo many changes in five years.

Five years is a long time, but it's also really not that long.

Yet, it's the most I can think into the future right now. As I'm talking with churches and discerning where God is calling me post-seminary, I've been asking myself "Can I see myself in this particular community or that particular church for at least five years?" If I can answer "yes" to that question, I feel good about continuing in conversation with committees.

I was talking to one of my pastors about this question, and she said, "Emily, I hope your first call lasts longer than five years!"

It's not that I'm limiting my first call to only five years. It's just that I can't think in any larger terms. I haven't lived in a particular place longer than four years recently. I moved across the state for college, but that was only four years. I moved across the country for seminary, but that was only four years (plus one of the years was in a different state).

So for right now, the "five year question" remains on my mind.

Middle Name Meme

2008-02-26T18:10:00.004-05:00

I don't always participate in all the memes that fly around the blog world. But I'm left with nothing much to say these days and little time to post (plus PS's middle name is similar to mine and was a great starting point), so here goes:

1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.

2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name).

3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.)

J: I am a complete J on the Myers-Briggs scale. Organization and details ... I've got it beyond covered.

O: I am an optimistic person. Glass half-full, walking on the sunny side of the street, rose-colored glasses kind of gal.

A: I always have chocolate in my apartment. Especially dark chocolate. Mmmmm.

N: Needs a job ... seriously churches. I'm cool, I love ministry.

I'm not one to tag people, so if you want to play, do so.

The Point I'm At

2008-02-21T13:12:00.004-05:00

Searching for a job can be a full time job in itself. The work of reading forms and initiating "dating" relationships with potential churches can be really invigorating, but it can also be so draining, exhausting, frustrating, etc.

Yet, I'd still rather be doing that than be a student. School is good; my elective is great; learning is important. I've just reached a point where I know that I'm not going to know it all when I leave and that's fine and I'm okay with that.

So I'd rather be in the church actually involved in ministry than stuck in a classroom at this point.

Update:
A timely reminder from the stamp I gave my kids at the Y today ...

I'm a star! This whole call process will work out.

Balance

2008-02-07T18:15:00.000-05:00

I need balance in my life. I need to escape the seminary bubble and interact with people who don't spend all day in the classroom or the library studying God, theology, and things divine.

This semester I am getting that balance on Thursday afternoons. In the afternoon, I head over to the local YMCA and teach a dance and gymnastics class for 3-5 year olds. For an hour or so, I worry about somersaults and cartwheels, first position and plie.

I laugh as they tell me stories about nursery school or getting a shot; they laugh as I make silly faces at them on the balance beam; we all laugh together as we walk as crabs and bears across the mats.

And my life seems balanced again.

Like a Kid in a Candy Store

2008-02-02T16:07:00.000-05:00

There are so many good options. They are all so tempting. I always end up spending more money than I had planned ... when I go in a bookstore, any bookstore.

I've been like a kid in a candy store three times this week:

I bought books for a spirituality course I'm taking in March
I bought books for my final semester of seminary
I bought books for fun fiction reading

And my shelves are full of new books. I can't wait to crack each new cover. Well, I won't actually crack each new cover, as I like my books to stay in excellent condition. So perhaps it's more accurate to say I can't wait to open each new book and delve into its pages.

Ahhhh .... heaven.

Rhythms of Grace

2008-01-30T10:07:00.000-05:00

"Are you tired? Worn out? ... Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace ... " Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

I am passionate about the practice of Sabbath. It's an important spiritual discipline in my life. It first started when I was in college and I struggled with feeling defined by the things that I did (mainly school work, studying and such). I started practicing Sabbath to remember who I was ... a child of God; a daughter and a sister; a friend; a person who could just be and the world wouldn't stop.

I've continued to observe Sabbath over the years, though in many different ways. It changes as my life changes and my schedule and my work dictate new times and days and ways of observing Sabbath. Sometimes it's been the whole of Sunday or part of Saturday or a day in the middle of the week. At times it has meant that I don't do homework or study, or I don't run errands, or I just do the things I really want to do, or I spend time being in relationship with God, friends, and family.

But regardless of how it manifests itself, I continue to practice Sabbath, because I need that reminder of who I am.

Lately, however, I've had an overabundance of free time, of downtime, of opportunities to practice Sabbath. In these two weeks between the end of Jan term and the start of spring semester, I've got a whole lot of time. And at first it was really good. I spend time doing lots of things I often run out of time for:

I've been to the movies with friends ... twice
I've been out to eat with friends ... multiple times
I've watched movies on my couch ... five and counting
I've finished two knitting projects and started two new ones
I've slept in late and relaxed
I've read and read and read ... completing four books with three more in the works

and I've become bored with this abundance of time. I've still got half a week until classes start up again.

And I'm wondering about the practice of Sabbath: What about those six days of work? How does not having that change the unforced rhythms of grace? What's the distinction between Sabbath and free time?

Snow Came Down in the South!

2008-01-22T12:14:00.000-05:00

It snowed! And I loved it. It reminded me of winters further north, albeit with much more snow than the light dusting outside. But still, it was snow!

I stood outside in the big flakes. I tried to catch some on my tongue. I kept the blinds open all night so I could watch the snow fall. I soaked it up for all it was worth.

I laughed at the news reports and those who were freaking out. Then the next day, it was all gone.

But while it lasted, it was beautiful. I really am a northern girl at heart.

Online Dating

2008-01-09T09:56:00.000-05:00

I met with my Committee on Preparation for Ministry for the last time yesterday. And after some intense and not-so-intense questions regarding my sense of call, what I hope to do, my theology, my hospital experience, my yearlong internship, and my seminary journey ... they approved me to officially begin searching for a call.

Yippee!!!

Now I'm working on submitting all my paperwork online so things can get rolling, so the online dating between myself and churches may begin.

A Preaching Image

2007-12-30T14:02:00.000-05:00

I preached today at my home congregation. My grandparents attended the service. Upon greeting me prior to the service, my grandma asked me,

"Are you going to wear your toga today?"

English is my grandma's third language ... so she was pretty close. Definitely made me smile at the mental image.

Really ... ?

2007-12-28T10:54:00.001-05:00

In talking to my mom about the call process and some churches I might be interested in, she says:

"Does Sunday really count as a work day? I mean, you don't work anywhere near 8 hours, so how do you get to 40 hours a week in five days?"

So many misconceptions in just two questions:

Sunday is the BIG work day.
A lot more energy and thought goes into it than just the hour in front of the congregation.
I'd like to meet a pastor who works 40 hours a week.
At my yearlong internship, I managed to keep it to approximately 50 hours a week.

And she has a daughter in seminary and has been a member of her church for 26 years. What does the average congregation member think?

Done. And done.

2007-12-21T19:21:00.000-05:00

I'm finally done. I've made it to the end of the semester. And this time it feels like quite the accomplishment.

I've survived an extended unit of CPE and even learned some things along the way:

Nap early and often. You never know what will happen later on in your shift (just smooth out the pillowcase before laying down on it - it'll produce less sleep lines on your face that way).

Hot fudge sundaes really do heal all manner of things (3pm or 3am - for this I was thankful that there was a McDonald's in the hospital, even though it seems quite contradictory).

Laughter is excellent medicine (thank you to the Ellen show and funny kids' movies).

I've made it through another two classes - one that seemed pointless and one that was fun. By the way, writing a 20 page paper the week it's due is not necessarily smart, but it can be done.

I've even completed all of my paperwork for my last hoop before I start searching for a call. I really hope the committee reads all 42 pages of my packet, because it was a beast to put together during these past busy weeks.

And now I'm finally ready to be home (even though I've actually been in Michigan for the past five days).

I'm done and ready for the festivities and family, the food and fun.

(Not) Selling My Soul

2007-12-12T16:28:00.000-05:00

I've been working on my PIF/resume as I look forward to the day when my preparation committee will approve that I can officially begin searching for a call. It was intimidating to begin the process. I was worried about selling my soul in order to just write things I know hiring committees will like.

However, I've finished the final draft of my PIF ... and it sounds like me. It's true to who I am and what I'm looking for in a church job.

Here's to the Holy Spirit working in the process so a church and I may find each other before graduation!

The Sermon Muse

2007-12-09T21:29:00.000-05:00

There are some things I love about preaching:

interacting with the text
discussing the text with others
finding the good news for a specific group of people in a specific place at a specific time

There are some things that are annoying about preaching:

being inspired at midnight just as I am about to fall asleep
having another great thought come to me while in the shower

Why can't the sermon muse show up when I sit down at the computer and have blocked out time to work on the sermon?

It's not that I'm not grateful for the inspiration of the muse ... I'm just wondering if we could get on the same schedule ...

Breaking Bread Together

2007-12-05T19:42:00.000-05:00

It's the second day of Hanukkah and I'm on-call at the hospital. At sundown, I "lit" the Menorah candles (or screwed in the right light bulbs) and visited the few Jewish patients to wish them a Happy Hanukkah.

A few hours later I received a phone call from a nurse requesting a menorah for a patient's room. This patient had not shown up on the Jewish census, so I hadn't seen her earlier. I explained to the nurse that we didn't have individual menorahs for patient rooms.

Then I stopped by the patient's room and met her and her two children and her husband. I also explained to them that we didn't have any individual menorahs, but that we did have Shabbat candles that could be put in patient rooms. They requested one. When I returned, they were so grateful for the candle. They offered me some of their food and I visited with them for a little bit.

Their hospitality and generosity were so beautiful and holy. I was deeply touched.

I Need a Little Christmas ...

2007-11-23T11:16:00.000-05:00

right this very minute!

I'm at home in Michigan, decorating the Christmas tree. I decorated my apartment for Christmas and winter before I left for Thanksgiving.

I just need a little Christmas right now. I need the promise of new life, the hope of redemption, and the joy of festivities.

So even though, as a seminary student, I know it's not Christmas yet, not to mention Advent hasn't even started, I'm starting to celebrate Christmas.

I've done enough watching and waiting with families and loved ones at the hospital. I need a little Christmas right now.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ...

2007-11-20T10:37:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to make it to the end of the semester. While CPE has been good, it's also been extremely draining. This past weekend I had the longest day (as a counterpart to my longest night). I journeyed with four different families and eight little babies through various situations in the NICU. Four of the little ones did not make it.

And I'm done. I'm spent. It's taking me longer and longer to recharge after difficult on-call shifts. And I have three and a half weeks and five on-call shifts left. I've started the countdown.

For now, I'll watch Finding Nemo and make paper snowflakes and somehow find the strength to just keep swimming ...

Recharging

2007-11-10T10:16:00.000-05:00

After nights like this and generally working long hours in a hospital at the crossroads of new life, trauma, tragedy, and death, I needed to recharge and get centered and in a place to continue such work (at least until the end of this semester).

So, this week I have

slept long hours in my own bed
read an entire book for fun
jumped on a trampoline
enjoyed the fall weather (that has finally arrived)
consumed yummy food and much needed margaritas
gone to the movies
ignored some deadlines in order to do these things.

And it has been wonderfully renewing.

I will be ready to return to the hospital on Monday.

The Longest Night

2007-11-06T05:16:00.001-05:00

I'm on call tonight at the hospital. Actually, there are only three hours remaining on my shift. But it's been a long night:

death of a 6 month old baby in the NICU
adult death in the ER
perinatal loss
perinatal loss
early labor on triplet girls

Yeah ... some nights are better than others.

Tonight, I'm just trying to make it until 8:30am when I can leave.

Breathing Deeply

2007-10-27T10:30:00.000-05:00

I traveled to the North Carolina mountains with a friend this past week. For three days, I surrounded myself with trees brightly changing colors, waterfalls cascading down rock formations, and the quiet sounds of nature. I paused and breathed deeply. And then I was ready to enter the world again.

"When I Am Among the Trees"
by Mary Oliver

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows, and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks, and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, "Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, "It's simple," they say,
"and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy to be filled
with light, and to shine."

CPE and the Introvert

2007-10-17T22:14:00.000-05:00

It's no shock to anyone who knows me that I'm an introvert. I like being around people and being social. However, at the end of a long day or when things are stressful, I really want to be by myself and curl up with a good book or veg on the couch or zone out and knit.

CPE is forcing me into lots of solo introvert/recharge time. I spend my days at the hospital meeting a whole slew of new patients and am drained. I return home and hole up in my place.

So it feels like when I'm not at the hospital, I'm either recovering from being there or preparing to go back. I'm (only) at the hospital two days and one overnight shift a week - roughly 30 hours/week. But right now it seems like CPE is controlling the way I live my life.

Is it fall yet?

2007-10-16T10:11:00.000-05:00

It's the middle of October. Yet the weather report still includes highs reaching into the 80s. I need it to be fall. It should be time for sweaters and scarves, for hot apple cider and pumpkin patches.

Guess even after three and a half years in the South, I'm still a Northern girl at heart.

And the world spins madly on ...

2007-10-02T11:01:00.000-05:00

(pound, pound, pound, pound) MAINTENANCE!

(pound, pound, pound, pound) MAINTENANCE!

I was awoken this morning at 11am by this racket on my door. Maintenance had come to change the filters in the heating and cooling unit in my living room and bedroom.

No, I wasn't being particularly lazy this morning. I was recovering from being on call last night at the hospital and getting roughly three to four hours of sleep that was punctuated by two adult deaths and a perinatal loss.

I had hoped to sleep for four hours this morning. But I was roused from my sleep and reminded that my student world and the world in general spins madly on even though it seems to stop and be disconnected while I am at the hospital.

The CPE Experience

2007-09-25T19:26:00.000-05:00

This semester I am doing Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) at a local hospital as a part of my course load. Though I believe it will be a valuable experience, I am not in the program by choice, but rather per the requirements of my CPM.

Components of CPE include group time for learning and processing, individual supervision, daytime clinical hours, and nighttime on-call shifts. All of the components have not been easy to fit into my schedule this semester as I am also taking a pastoral care class and doing an independent study. However, the most difficult pressure on my schedule has been the on-call shifts.

Weekday shifts are 16 hours and weekend shifts are 24 hours. Not to mention the recovery time before and/or after catching up on sleep and processing the emotional drain.

Yet even with all of this, I like offering pastoral care in on-call situations better than during daytime clinical hours. Might sound strange. I'm still trying to figure it out.

But last week

I sat with a woman who had performed CPR on her friend as she died on the side of road;
I watched a large family say goodbye to a loved one as life support was withdrawn;
I visited a woman who had to say goodbye to a baby who never drew a breath in this world;
I spoke with a couple who is unsure of how many breaths their baby will take in this world

and I was calm and sure of my pastoral authority. I enjoyed 8 hours of non-stop on-call work more than the leisurely 4 hours of daytime visits. Perhaps it was because I knew I was needed in the on-call situations and I'm never sure what I'll find doing rounds on my clinical floor.

A Different Person?

2007-09-19T14:16:00.000-05:00

I visited with my faculty advisor the other day. Just stopped by his office. I was sharing about my yearlong internship experience. He also did a yearlong when he was in seminary. He told me he entered his final year of seminary a totally different person.

So I've been thinking ... am I a different person now than I was fifteen months ago? I mean different beyond the inevitable growth and change that occurs over time.

I still feel called to be in the church as a Minister of Word and Sacrament. I'm still interested in the intersections between art and spirituality and life. I still like creating space for and planning for worship. I'm still an introvert who loves to read.

I do have new questions about how a congregation functions as a family system. I do have more questions about how we handle conflict in our lives and in the church.

But am I a different person?

Back in the Saddle Again

2007-09-18T15:53:00.000-05:00

I had class a week ago for the first time since I left for my year of internship work. It was weird. I'm in class with students that used to be in the class below me ... they are now my graduating class.

It's been almost a year and a half since I sat in a classroom and listened to lectures, did homework, and wrote papers. It'll be an adjustment. I think the rhythm of the school year and being a student will come back to me, but right now, as I finish a paper and some reading for class tonight, it still feels weird.

Whew.

2007-09-10T19:44:00.000-05:00

It's been four weeks since I've blogged. Lots has happened. But I finally have a moment to write and reflect.

I'm fully settled in my new place now. I even have things on the walls.
I traveled home to Michigan to see family and attend a friend's wedding.
I made it through Clinical Pastoral Education orientation (more on CPE later).
I survived my first night as the on-call chaplain at the hospital. I was the envy of the other students as I didn't receive any calls.
I attended and participated in the Convocation Service and officially started the new (and last) school year.

Okay ... so maybe this entry won't involve much reflection, but at least it's a new post.

Words for the Day

2007-08-15T21:46:00.001-05:00

Simplify.

Moving often has helped to keep my possessions to a smaller quantity than if I were permanently living somewhere. However, as I moved apartments today, I still felt like I had too much stuff. Five bags of clothes and miscellaneous items are being dropped off at the Salvation Army tomorrow.

New.

New apartment and new bed. I'm really excited about the bed. Feels right to be somewhere new for the new year.

Back

2007-08-13T19:28:00.000-05:00

I'm back on campus at seminary.

I'm exhausted.

It's weird to be here.

Faith

2007-08-12T08:54:00.000-05:00

Sunday, August 12, 2007
Hebrews 11:1 - 12:2

Faith.

It’s just a five-letter word.
It wouldn’t earn many points in a game of Scrabble.
It might even be laughed at
by those who take their Scrabble a little too seriously.

Faith.

It’s just a five-letter word.
It’s not the biggest or most impressive sounding word
a seminary-educated individual, like myself, could use.

There’s words and phrases like
eschatological imagination,
hermeneutic of suspicion,
subjective atonement,
soteriology,
and pneumatology.

Now those would be some big, five-dollar words
to leave you with on my last Sunday.
But they aren’t the words for today.
There’s just one word today,
maybe even the one word: faith.

Faith.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for,
the conviction of things not seen.” (Heb 11:1)

“Faith is the firm foundation under everything
that makes life worth living.
It’s our handle on what we can’t see.” (The Message)

“Faith is the complete trust or confidence in someone or something.” (dictionary.com)

“Faith is a firm and certain knowledge of God’s benevolence toward us,
founded upon the truth of the freely given promise of Jesus Christ,
both revealed to our minds & sealed on our hearts by the Holy Spirit.” (Calvin)

Those are some good definitions –
from a couple different translations of the Bible,
and from a dictionary and from good ol’ Calvin
(can’t forget about him) –
but what does it all mean …
What is faith … really?

Pushing aside the English geek or grammatical fanatic,
and the fact that the word “faith” is listed as a noun in the dictionary,
I think faith is really best thought of as a verb,
as an action word.

You know:
Billy and Susie ran.
Spot jumped.
Mommy yelled.

Because as author Kathleen Norris puts it,
faith is more than just a thing that you either have or you don’t.
Faith is not just an abstract concept.

It’s trust in God in the every day stuff.
It’s obedience to the Lord’s commands.
And those two things require some doing.

And so,
faith is an action word.

We see that word in action in chapter 11 of Hebrews.
There is a whole litany of the actions of the faithful over the years.

In the past,
faith has been
building a ginormous ark
even though you haven’t ever seen a torrential downpour or a flood;
faith has been
setting out for a new, promised land,
even though you have no idea
what a land flowing with milk and honey
actually looks like or if it even exists;
faith has been
walking around a city and blowing trumpets
even though you have never seen such actions
bring a city to its knees.

Faith has been about the doing (the verb part)
the building and the setting out and the walking,
despite reason, and “even thoughs,”
“althoughs” and “neverthelesses.”

And faith is still an action today.

It’s offering to God a portion of our money
even though we might be unsure about the bills later in the month
or the retirement savings and fund.

And faith is sharing food and clothing with neighbors
even though we’re worried about them both running out
and we’re not sure if the person is even really our neighbor.

And faith is worshipping the Lord our God with song and prayer
even though we might not be certain about everything.

Faith is more than lip service –
saying “I believe this” or “I don’t believe that.”

It’s putting those beliefs into action –
into the actual offering and sharing and worshipping.

It’s living faith.
It’s faith as an action word.

And those actions come from ordinary people.

Ordinary people –
like you and me
and the person on the street corner
and the one with a lisp
and the one who was barren
and the ones who liked to complain.

Ordinary people who were willing to move and do –
do some confident wandering,
rather than just some stationary wondering.

Ordinary people
who trust in and obey an extraordinary God.

So more than the five letters and the smart sounding definitions,
faith is moving beyond the “I believe” to the “therefore, I do …”
It’s about adding on some good verbs:
singing;
praying;
listening;
sharing;
serving.

What does your faith do?

Faith.

That’s it …
and that’s everything.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

Putt-Putt

2007-08-06T10:10:00.000-05:00

I played putt-putt golf with some friends last night. It was still awfully hot and humid at 7pm, but we had a good time anyways. None of us were even close to par ... this course was much more difficult than it looked. And then there were the times when the golf balls went into the water and through the bushes and into the water and backwards and into the water... can you tell we had to fish some balls out of the water? Let's just say it wasn't so much about the accuracy as it was about the fun.

But reflecting on the fun and games from last night, I've realized that I approach life much like I approached the course last night. Whenever we started at a new hole, I always walked around it to the end. I had to see where the final hole was; if there were multiple holes that would shoot my ball out at the end, I wanted to know where it was going to come out. However, one of the friends with whom I was playing often just stepped up and started while I was still investigating the turns and dips and holes (caused me to have to jump a few times). She just figured her ball would come out wherever it was supposed to come out. Me ... I wanted to know ahead of time. I wanted to be able to plan.

Leaving Soon

2007-08-03T14:11:00.000-05:00

The countdown continues and it's hit the single digits ... only 9 more days left until I am done.

That means I'll be leaving Internship Church soon and returning to seminary for my final year.

But between the end of my yearlong internship and the start of my senior year, I have three glorious weeks. And that's what I'm focusing on right now. I've scheduled a haircut and a massage, which both always lift my spirits. I'm already arranging and rearranging my apartment at seminary in my head - it'll be so nice to have my own space again. I can't wait to spend some time at home with family and friends and mentors who are ready to give me space to relax and to love on me.

Suddenly 9 more days doesn't seem long at all.

Getting Through

2007-07-26T08:43:00.000-05:00

Things continue to get worse in the ongoing drama of the conflicted mess at the church, especially since I was thrown into the middle of something I should not have been.

So I'm having a difficult time being here and finishing up this internship.

But I'll make it through ... moment by moment.

"It is not hard to live through a day,
if you can live through a moment.
What creates despair is the imagination,
that pretends there is a future,
and insists on predicting
millions of moments, thousands of days,
and so drains you
that you cannot live the moment on hand."
~ Andre Dubus

I'll make it through the next 17 days moment by moment. I'll make it through the next 17 days because I have amazing friends who are supporting me. I'll make it through the next 17 days by holding onto the really good moments of laughter and shared meals and margaritas. But most importantly, I'll make it through the next 17 days because God is bigger than this.

Because of Love

2007-07-22T17:21:00.000-05:00

Sunday, July 22, 2007
Amos 8:1-12

Do you know how to pick fruit at the grocery store or the farmer’s market?
You know, thump it and if it sounds like this or that,
it’s ripe and just right.

For example, when a tomato, (because yes the tomato is a fruit),
when a tomato is firm to the touch and noticeably fragrant,
you know it’ll be good.

Or look for pieces of fruit that are plump and heavy for its size,
and of course, free from cuts and bruises, mildew and mold.

Most of the time these little tricks work;
or at least that’s what Betty Crocker and Martha Stewart will have you believe.

But sometimes, fruit that is perfect
in color and shape, sound and touch, and even smell
is really quite rotten and spoiled and past its prime inside.

Appearances can be deceiving.
Or to quote a well-known proverb
(since we’ve been talking about them at Bible study),
you can’t judge a book by its cover.

It’s what this vision of a fruit basket in Amos is all about.

The Lord showed Amos a basket of summer fruit –
of mangos and papayas and coconuts,
or maybe it was strawberries and blueberries and raspberries,
or perhaps honeydew melon and cantaloupe and pineapple.

And it looked delicious – good enough to scarf down immediately.

But wait … appearances can be deceiving.
This fruit is actually rotten.
Soft, mushy and unflavorful.
Past its prime.

And that’s exactly what God is telling the people through the prophet Amos –
the time is ripe for judgment.
They are past their prime.

Things may look really good,
so good the people may not be concerned,
but the end is coming.

And if the people’s appearance of holy living is deceptive,
rotten and past its prime,
so too are their words and excuses.

Sure they are couched in language of business as usual –
concern for not selling grain on the Sabbath:
“Look God, listen to how holy we are.
We’ve been observing the Sabbath and waiting to sell our wheat.”

But the words also reveal their lack of concern for the poor and the needy,
as they scheme ways to cheat the market goers out of fair prices and wares.

But God … God will have none of that.
God brings harsh judgment to the people through Amos.
And waits for their response.

What are they going to do? What are they going to do?
It’s what God is really interested in.

Not their appearance –
not the showy basket of fruit
that appears on the coffee table only when guests are around.

And certainly not their clever words –
not the boastful claims of the good things done
proclaimed so all can hear and know and admire.

It’s their actions God is really interested in.
Because if they don’t stop trampling on the needy
and bringing ruin to the poor …
it’s over …
the end will come.

And with it, the worst kind of famine.
Not a famine where summer fruit is sparse and rotten, and meals are light,
but a famine of the more serious kind –
a famine for the bread of life,
for the Word of God.

So why all this gloom and doom from the prophet Amos?
Why does the Lord swear to never forget the misdeeds of the people,
to never again pass them by?
Why does God proclaim a coming time
of darkness and mourning and lamentation?
Why?

The answer is simple:
Because of love.
Because of great love.
Sacrificial love.

Love that would send an only Son into the world,
not to condemn the world
but in order that the world might be saved.
The love of a parent who knows what’s best for his children.

Now, you may not be a die-hard Harry Potter fan like I am.
In fact, I’m guessing most of you are not.

You may have never read one of those books by JK Rowling
or even know that the final book of the series
was released at 12:01am on Saturday.

If that is so,
it also means that you probably actually accomplished something yesterday
whereas I sat around and read all day,
ten hours straight until I finished the book.

As I was preparing for the long-awaited release of the final book,
I’ve been thinking about the characters this past week.
And this snippet of an earlier part of the story came to mind:

In the second book – Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets –
twelve year old Harry and his best friend Ron
miss the train that should have taken them back to school.

In their haste to find another way to school,
they decide to drive a flying car.
And even in this world of magic,
it’s unwise for twelve year olds to drive.

As you might imagine, this method of travel broke a number of laws and school rules.
Both Harry and Ron are severely reprimanded by school professors;
they are told that their families will be informed of their behavior.
As punishment, the boys receive detention.

Worse than all this, though, is a Howler Ron receives.
See a Howler is a letter that magically allows one
who is not physically present
to still yell at and scold its receiver.

Ron receives this bright red bit of mail during breakfast in the great hall one morning. As Ron opens it, the piece of paper magically transforms into an origami type mouth. From this mouth proceeds the loud scolding voice of Ron’s mom, Mrs. Weasley:

“RONALD WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR!
YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU!
I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED!
YOUR FATHER IS NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK
AND ITS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT.
WE DIDN’T BRING YOU UP TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS!
IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE,
WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT HOME!” (p.88)

All Ron can do is sit there and sheepishly nod his head.
He knows his mum loves him,
loves him deeply in a slightly smothering way,
loves all of her seven children very much.

But the Howler also tells Ron that his mom means business,
and that true love also comes with judgment.

And God means business in this vision given to Amos for the people.
Perhaps God furrowed her brow,
narrowed her eyes,
waved her finger,
and spoke in her substitute teacher voice
as today’s words of judgment were spoken.

And remember, these harsh words weren’t spoken to just any people,
but to God’s chosen people.

And the harsh words matter.
We can’t skip over them and toss them to the wayside.
The call to action for the poor and the needy is imperative.

But it’s also important to know what’s behind those words.

That the Lord loves these people so much
that God will not leave these people alone.

As preacher and scholar Will Willimon puts it:
“God keeps coming back to the people of Israel,
this time in the fierce words of the prophet Amos,
judging them, condemning them, punishing them
so that they might grow to be all that they are called to be.”

So that we might be all that we are called to be:
sped on our way by the God of all justice;
praying and singing and working for peace;
spurred on by harsh words meant to catch our attention;
but said … out of the greatest love.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

What is your only comfort ...

2007-07-16T20:01:00.000-05:00

when things are a great big conflicted mess at work?

Brownies with extra chocolate and walnuts fresh out of the oven, a large glass of white wine, and a good movie.

Praying for Death

2007-07-14T12:23:00.000-05:00

I visited a longtime congregation member this week who is under Hospice care. But she's still eating meals and seems to be holding on.

The visit was difficult and good and many more things all at the same time. She wanted to die about two months ago. And was very weak at that point. But she seems to have regained some strength and she hates that.

She has had a good, full life and is ready to die. But death won't come. I was reminded this morning that "there is a time for every matter under heaven ... a time to be born and a time to die" - Ecclesiastes 3 is part of the reading for the church's Bible in a Year schedule for today.

But this week, I also prayed for that time of death to come for this woman. In fact, we spent a long time in prayer about peace, comfort and death coming soon. It was the first time I had ever prayed for death for someone.

I felt privileged to share those moments with her and hear about her very honest struggle with the end of life. I was humbled by the joke she was able to make in the midst of talking about how her family is dealing with it all. I was honored to share that time with her and sit in that liminal space with her.

Not in my job description

2007-07-10T16:46:00.000-05:00

Obviously a pastor does so much more than preach and lead worship on Sundays. There's also the teaching and administration and visits and planning. And various other things that come up.

Here's what came up today:

Lumber dropped off at the church this afternoon for renovation work. Lumber is outside near the dumpster, which many neighborhood folk like to use as their own. They also like to go dumpster diving. Pastor is afraid lumber will walk off during the night. Pastor, admin assistant and I haul all the lumber inside the area of the church that is being worked on. It was 93 today.

Always Be Prepared

2007-07-03T08:45:00.000-05:00

A great motto.

As a girl scout I learned it years ago.

As a member of the residential life leadership team in college, we also emphasized it.

As a pastor, they remain good words.

"Always be prepared."

Last week I was prepared to be "in charge" at the church while the pastor was on vacation. It's not the first time he's been on vacation since I've been at the church. In fact, it's more like the fourth or fifth time. So I wasn't concerned.

One seminary friend predicted the death of a congregation member ... didn't happen.

One congregation member offered to concoct an emergency so I could practice handling it ... declined her offer.

There were enough little things to deal with:

coordinating communion with one (of the many) retired ministers from the congregation

checking in on a congregation member who had outpatient eye surgery

checking in on a congregation member who fell down in the shower

checking in on a congregation member who is watching one of her best friends die

visiting a member who is currently under Hospice care and later in the week discovering that another member has contacted Hospice for care

ensuring all the pumps are working at the church during the torrential downpour one afternoon - this led to walking through a part of the church that has recently been demolished on the inside and is currently structurally unsound and then discovering water shouting out of a pvc pipe sticking out of the wall

coming into the office on Monday morning to find a work crew ready to bust through a wall and put in a door ... I had no knowledge this was going to happen

Extreme Discipleship

2007-07-01T20:21:00.000-05:00

Sunday, July 1, 2007
2 Kings 2:1-14
Luke 9:51-62

In an old, dying congregation in a neighborhood church in San Francisco, the choir stands to sing. Some of them are musically gifted and others are not. Their offerings of music in the past have not been especially noteworthy.

As a matter of fact, they have been decidedly cringe-worthy. One choir member is tone deaf, the accompanist is hard of hearing and often forgets to turn her hearing aid on, and several choir members can’t keep the beat.

But something is different this time. Sister Mary Clarence is directing this ragtag group and she has whipped them into a soulful chorus, one that has even attracted the attention of the Pope.

The movie is Sister Act and the song they are about to sing is “I Will Follow Him.” Though originally a love song by Little Peggy March concerning extreme devotion to a boy, in the context of this worship service, the song took on new meaning.

In this concert for the Pope, the swinging singing sisters of St. Katharine’s Convent begin quietly and traditionally:

I will follow him, follow Him wherever He may go.
And near Him, I always will be,
For nothing can keep me away, He is my destiny.

The choir continues:

I will follow Him, ever since He touched my heart I knew,
There isn’t an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away, away from His love.

And then, in a split second, the church choir transforms into a lively, spirited show choir. They continue with the song, though they are now belting it out from the bottom of their guts and adding hand motions.

I love Him, I love Him, I love Him,
And where He goes, I’ll follow, I’ll follow, I’ll follow.

These are bold claims:
Because of my love for you, I will go wherever you go.
I am willing to follow and trust.

Elisha follows.
Elisha follows Elijah to the very end.

Given three opportunities to stay back and go no further,
Elisha commits to remaining by his mentor’s side until he leaves earth.
Even when town prophets try to deter him,
Elisha reprimands them with a command for silence
and continues to follow Elijah.

The disciples make the same bold claims while they are on the road to Jerusalem with Jesus. “I will follow you wherever you go.”

And Jesus is quick to cut through the easily sung devotion and commitment:
“Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests;
but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.”

Following has its consequences.
It means giving up some luxuries and even some basics.

And Jesus wants to ensure the disciples have some sense
of what they are saying, of the declaration they are making:

“Remember that nice home you had …?” he says.
“You know the hot meals you used to count on every day …
the pallet and pillow you slept on every night …
those things are not givens when you’re on the road with me.”

And as the disciples ponder this, Jesus calls out: “Follow me.”

Jesus’ summon is met with qualifiers and excuses:
“Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
“But let me first say farewell to those at my home.”

Jesus’ response is not nice and easy or neat and tidy. It’s costly and difficult:
“Let the dead bury their own dead” and
“No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Whew. Jesus isn’t messing around. These are hard words.
These words ask the disciples, they ask us,
to put Jesus above home, and family obligations, and relationships.

As biblical scholar and preacher Fred Craddock puts it:
“Jesus never said to choose him over the devil but to choose him over family.
The radicality of Jesus’ words lies in his claim to priority over the best,
not the worst of human relationships.”
In this call to extreme discipleship, it’s about placing Jesus first.

And with that kind of sacrifice we all have our own questions:
“Can I check my schedule first – to see when it would be most convenient to take a trip?”
“Do we have seat belts for this bumpy journey?”
“Will it be safe?”
“Will I be able to stay in touch with my family?”
“Do you guarantee that my sacrifice will be worth it?”

And Jesus answers “no,”
with his eyes fixed on Jerusalem,
knowing and considering that what is ahead is difficult.

Following will require his first disciples and future disciples
to stand firm and proclaim repeatedly like Elisha: “I will not leave you”
even amongst the demands of home, family obligations, and relationships.
I will radically reorder my life, so I can follow Him.

Following will necessitate looking forward, not backward.

Jesus said, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” Only looking back will not work.

In plowing, looking over your shoulder will cause your rows to become crooked.
In driving, only looking in the rearview mirror is guaranteed to cause an accident.
In church, only dwelling on the past will not leave room for the Spirit in the future.

And so here’s the questions we’re left with:
Where is Jesus asking us to travel, not yesterday, but today and tomorrow?
And in those travels, on that path, what does it mean to put Jesus first?

As we ponder and pray about these difficult questions
and the call to radical, extreme discipleship,
remember and know this:

We journey together,
we follow as a community of faith,
of fellow travelers on the road with Christ.

And on the Way, we are regularly nourished at the Table, at this Table –
given bread and wine for the journey,
given strength to continue on the difficult path.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

Made Me Smile

2007-06-27T15:22:00.000-05:00

Often during pastoral care visits, especially those in nursing homes or assisted living facilities, the following conversation takes place:

Can I help you?

No thank you. I'm here visiting a congregation member. I know where s/he lives.

You're the pastor ... ? You look mighty young for that.

------

Today I went to visit a congregation member who is at a nursing home, under Hospice care and losing her memory. She was excited to see me. Then she asked me when I was going to retire ...

I was laughing so hard on the inside because it was the exact opposite of the comments I normally get.

Stillness

2007-06-24T21:33:00.000-05:00

Sunday, June 24, 2007
1 Kings 19:1-15a

Shhhhhhhh … silence is golden.

The ad flashes across the movie screen right after the endless stream of previews for upcoming movies and even tv shows.

It may have incorporated a fake movie clip interrupted by a cell phone ring or a short song about all the noises people make during movies that are distracting and annoying. Either way or any other way, the moviegoer has been reminded of the sanctity of quietly watching the movie.

Shhhhhhhh … silence is golden.

Silence is filled with potential,
endless possibilities,
the prospect of something grand.

But do we really revere silence as being golden?

I’m not so inclined to believe so. There are instances when we do treasure some silence – like at the movie theatres when we are trying to enjoy one of the summer’s latest flicks. Or in a room filled with infants who are all napping at the same time.

But in reality, we do not give silence much thought or space, not in today’s society. It seems we are always inventing and buying new things so that we never have to endure any quiet or empty time or place.

There are mp3 players and ipods that provide continuous streams of music wherever one may be. There are cell phones and blackberries that allow one to remain connected to the Internet, email, news and sports almost anywhere. There’s the radio in the car and the interesting music in the elevator. Even the whirl of air-conditioners and fans are everywhere during a Florida summer.

Something is always going on in the background.

But listen …
Do you hear it … ?
A sound of sheer silence.

Did you miss it?
We’re not very good at paying attention to the details.
There’s a plethora of distractions.

But it’s there … the possibility of it is always there.
If we can get past the other stuff of life.
And that’s no easy job.

Elijah had a difficult time of it.
He had to get past his own distractions –
the prophetic crisis he found himself in:

“I have been very zealous for the Lord, the God of hosts;
for the Israelites have forsaken your covenant,
thrown down your altars,
and killed your prophets with the sword.
I alone am left, and they are seeking my life, to take it away.”

And lest he become so wrapped up in his own little pity party,
the Lord sends him to stand on the mountain
and wait for the Lord to pass by.

First comes the wind –
the wind would have been a great way for the Lord to appear.
The wind from God swept over the face of the waters in creation;
the wind blew over the earth and the waters subsided after the great flood;
the wind parted the Red Sea so Moses and the Hebrews could walk across it.
The wind is powerful, but the Lord was not in the wind.

Then an earthquake shakes things up –
and the shaking would have been a magnificent display of the Lord.
Isaiah talks about the Lord of hosts visiting people in thunder and earthquakes;
the land shook when Christ died on the cross,
and again three days later when the stone was rolled away from the grave.
An earthquake can mark miracles, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.

And then there was the fire –
fire would have been an impressive witness to the Lord.
Fire had burned in the bush from which God called to Moses;
the Lord went in front of the Israelites as a pillar of fire by night as they left Egypt;
the Lord descended on Mt. Sinai in fire and smoke when speaking to Moses.
The fire is glorious, but the Lord was not in the fire.

And after this spectacular show of special effects,
Elijah is still waiting for a theophany –
he is still waiting for the Lord to pass by.

(Perhaps he also will catch a flash of God’s glorious backside like Moses did.)

And into that space and place of waiting, of paying attention,
Elijah heard a sound of sheer silence …
HEARD a sound of sheer silence.

Other translations call it
“a still small voice” (RSV)
“a gentle whisper” (NIV)
“the soft whisper of a voice” (TEV)
“a low murmuring sound.” (NEB)

At the very least, it was the appearance of something inconsequential, barely noticeable.

But Elijah noticed it,
even after the other glorious possibilities of God’s presence –
the ones which were much more consequential and grand –
Elijah noticed the silence because he was still.

He had quieted everything within him
and the outside distractions for just a moment.
And he went and stood on the ledge of a cave,
still … expectant … and he heard God.

The stillness didn’t last long.
Elijah took up his pity party complaint once again
(the exact same complaint he had prior to the Lord’s appearance).

And then the Lord sends him on his way.
Elijah was soon traveling through the wilderness of Damascus
to face his prophetic calling once again.

But for a moment, just one moment of his day …
stillness … silence … a mini-Sabbath.
A break from the hectic-ness of life to remember the Lord
and watch and listen for the Lord.

How often do we do that?
Just pause for a moment and take a break?

It’s one of the commandments – the fourth one to be exact:
“Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.
Six days you shall labor and do all your work.
But the seventh day is a Sabbath for the Lord your God …
For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth,
the sea, and all that is in them,
but rested the seventh day.” (Exodus 20:8ff)

Rested …
God, the Creator of heaven and earth,
paused enough to enjoy all of the hard work of creation
and just rested.

And, yet …
we, who were formed in the very image of God,
we don’t do the same.

It’s too convenient to skip by that commandment.
To say we’ll follow it more when things lighten up.

Perhaps during the summer, or the winter.
Or when the kids are out of the house.
Or when there are less things on our plates.
Or when our to do list is shorter and more manageable.
Or … or … or … the list could continue forever.

But what about just a little bit of stillness –
what about just a few moments of watching and waiting,
enough of a pause in our day or week to remember that God is God and we are not.

A small break from the life
where everything is urgent and hurried and needs immediate attention, our attention.
A period of Sabbath.

A whole day can seem a bit daunting.
But what about something more manageable to begin with:

A couple of moments of silence and prayer each morning,
or a couple of moments of reading Scripture and being still at the end of the day;
Perhaps a few hours each week of putting aside
the “shoulds” and the “musts” and the “have tos” and the “oughts”
to enjoy God and creation, relationships and hobbies;
Or maybe it’s not something specific,
and it’s just sauntering through half a day once a month,
enjoying the spaciousness of time.

For if the spirit sometimes comes and speaks in stillness
and we are forever caught up in the whirlwind of life,
the busyness of being on the run and on to the next great thing,
distracted by earth, wind and fire –

We may miss out on the sound of sheer silence …
on the presence and glimpse of God in the little things …
of God breaking through the silence to speak.

Stillness and Sabbath look a little bit different for everyone.
But at their core, it’s about intentionally setting aside time that is different,
time for holy rest and renewal, time for waiting and listening,
time for simply slowing down.

Just a few hours or moments of stillness –
enough to notice the night blooming cyrus’ glorious opening one evening;
to sit and watch the sunset at the beach and enjoy the sound of the waves;
to discover hundreds of sand fiddler crabs scurrying into their holes during a hike.

These are the ways I’ve been still
and quieted the distractions around me recently.
But there are certainly other ways:

Sitting down to an unhurried meal with family and friends;
Taking a leisurely walk;
Or exploring something new, whether it be a place or interest.

How will you find a way to embrace stillness …
a period of Sabbath this week?
How about beginning right now?

Because it seems a little oxymoronic
to continue to talk about stillness and silence.
So I’m going to shut up for a couple of minutes,
so we can actually practice it.

(It’ll only be a moment, so you don’t need to worry about it continuing forever.)

But for just a moment right now,
still the chaotic wind, earthquake and fire,
and enter a period of stillness before the Lord.

(a short period of silence)

Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind;

and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake;

and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire;

and after the fire a sound of sheer silence.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

Words Never Before Uttered By a Pastor

2007-06-18T12:52:00.001-05:00

"I'm bored!"

It may be hard to believe that a pastor (or even a pastoral intern) working fulltime at a church would ever utter these words. But I have. Multiple times. Last week and already this week.

I. am. bored.

The boredom is the result of numerous factors:

During the summer, internship church has a much lighter schedule. Many programs take a break and either cut back or stop.
Internship church has never had a yearlong intern before. They have a nice list of things for a summer intern to do and experience. However, seeing as how I've already been here for 9 months, I've completed said list.
I'm already starting to prepare internship church for my departure - it's only 2 months away. There is not another yearlong intern coming this fall. I am slowly cutting back on the various things I've taken on this year so as not to shock them with it all at once in August.

Therefore, I am bored.

6 Random Things About Me

2007-06-14T10:53:00.000-05:00

I have been tagged by 1-4 grace to do this. I'm generally not a fan of such things, but seeing as how it's been a while since I've posted, what the heck.

There are some rules to it, but my CPM tells me I need to break the rules more often, so I'm throwing them out the window. They won't even be listed here. If you would like to participate, consider yourself tagged to do so.

1. I'm addicted to Sudoku.
2. I love to play board and card games, but watch out - I'm very competitive.
3. I love to read and it can be very dangerous for me to go into a bookstore.
4. I love mint chocolate chip ice cream.
5. I wish I was fluent in American Sign Language.
6. I'm a solo car jammer (as in, if I'm in the car by myself I'll crank up the music, sing along and drum on the steering wheel)

One Year Blogiversary

2007-06-01T12:29:00.000-05:00

It's been a year since I started this blog, which means it's also been one year since I stopped being a student - a paper-writing, exam-taking, class-attending student anyways.

Over the past 12 months, I have lived and worked as a pastoral intern with few friends in the area. And during that time I've found a community among the blogging world. I've read and shared about the joys and struggles of being a woman in ministry with the RevGalBlogPals. I've kept up on the lives of friends. I've updated my own friends about life through posts.

Blogging has become somewhat of a reflective discipline for me. So it's been good to think and process and post about life whether others are reading it or not.

But for the sake of the blogiversary, if you are one who stops by to read, delurk and identify yourself in the comments!

Gathered by the Spirit

2007-05-27T23:56:00.000-05:00

Sunday, May 27, 2007
Pentecost Sunday
Genesis 11:1-9 & Acts 2:1-21

If you happened to walk past a particular courtyard near Columbia Seminary a year and a half ago on a crisp autumn day, you would not have believed your eyes.

Twelve adults were spinning, around and around and around – spinning like little children do when they’re pretending they’re tops or helicopters or just trying to make themselves dizzy.

Twelve seminary students were spinning and spinning and spinning, faster and faster and faster as they enacted and lived into the story of Pentecost.

And I, along with most of the other students in the class, eventually fell to the ground dizzy and a little out of sorts. The Holy Spirit had just descended upon us and overwhelmed us and left us amazed and astonished and perplexed, and a little out of breath.

At least that’s what the professor of this course was aiming for when she designed this particular day of class. Some way of conveying what it might have been like on that day years ago. What it might have been like to be a disciple on that first day of Pentecost.

Picture it: Gathered together in the upper room of a house, trying to figure out what to do. Their leader Jesus had been crucified, had risen from the dead and appeared to them, and then hung around for fifty days. Just recently Christ had ascended into heaven.

So far, they had replaced the delinquent disciple Judas with Matthias. That order of business had been taken care of. But what to do next, now that Jesus had ascended in a cloud?

Perhaps they were brainstorming plans of action. Perhaps they were debating the merits of going back to fishing. Perhaps they were sitting silently in the room, just looking at one another, without a clue as to what to do next.

Regardless, the Holy Spirit caught them by surprise. Coming with wind and fire and tongues. Filling them up and giving them the ability to speak other languages.

And in that whirlwind moment, the Holy Spirit – the mysterious, forceful, powerful, dizzying Spirit – gathered them together as disciples and bestowed upon them the power of God.

And it would look and sound to others like they were drunk and out of their minds. But the movement was not haphazard and crazy. It brought disciples together. Gathered them into a group that would go forward and become the leaders on The Way and live the great stories of the early church in the book of Acts.

Because it was the Holy Spirit’s doing.

It’s the exact opposite of what we heard in the first scripture lesson from Genesis.

In the story of the Tower of Babel, the people of God start off gathered together – gathered together by their one language with all the same words and nuances; gathered together by a common purpose.

They are going to build for themselves a city with a tower that will reach to the heavens. The people are gathered together by their hubris, by their own need to make a name for themselves and accomplish something great.

And the Lord knows this gathering could become troublesome. So the Lord confuses the language of all the people and scatters them over all the face of the earth. This gathering was not the work of the Holy Spirit. This gathering had been about individuals and their (literal) climb to the top.

And so the Lord puts the kibosh on it. Stops it before it gets too far and people think they can live their lives and do anything they please without paying any attention to the Lord.

Because that’s not the way. The way, as we see in Acts, is simply about being gathered in by the Holy Spirit to worship the Lord and then letting the Holy Spirit move in and through and amongst those gathered.

For the Holy Spirit does still dwell and move among us. The Holy Spirit was not a one hit wonder as some may believe. The Holy Spirit calls out, gathers in, and sends out individuals and churches still.

Here are two places I’ve seen it happen:

It was March of my senior year of college. I chose to spend my spring break traveling to Jamaica with twenty-four other Hope students. We spent ten days working at the Caribbean Christian Center for the Deaf, or CCCD.

CCCD is a boarding school for children who are deaf. It is a response to the high per capita population of people who are deaf in Jamaica.

We spent the early part of our days working at the school to build new classrooms and repair security walls. But we finished our work by 3pm each day so we could play and interact with the children when they got out of class.

And though we had a unique language barrier to work through,
we laughed and played and worshipped together.
I learned to play Duck, Duck, Goose without speaking
and to play volleyball and communicate with team members who could not hear.

And I was able to attempt one-on-one conversations with some of the older students. Though my sign language background is limited, I had the most wonderful conversation with one girl in particular.

She got excited because I knew some sign and her fingers started flying. I had to tell her to slow down many times so I could catch what she was saying, but I enjoyed that conversation so much.

During that week and a half, we were gathered in by the Spirit despite our language differences – despite the fact that some of us knew a little sign language and some none at all, despite the fact that some of the children could read lips and others could not. We were gathered by the Spirit to be a community that laughed and worshipped together for those ten days.

A couple of summers ago, I was a part of another community infused by the Holy Spirit. I was spending a week at the Taizé community in the south of Burgundy, France. Taizé is an international, ecumenical community of brothers who have taken lifelong vows. Young adults from around the world travel there to become part of the community life for a week.

Visitors are housed in bunk rooms with others who speak the same language. The week that I visited, over 1,000 young adults were there, though it was a slow week. In this wide and varied group of individuals, only four people were from the United States and the other three were males. So I ended up living with seven other women for whom English was their second language, of many.

But despite cultural differences, we were gathered in by the rhythm of the day at Taize. Each person contributing to the community through chores and assignments in the morning; each person joining a Bible study group to learn and study together; each person given some free time.

Those things helped to structure our days, but worship was at the center of it all. Communal worship happens three times a day – 8am, 12 noon, and 8pm. At those times, everything else in the community stops as all are gathered together in worship by what could only be the Holy Spirit.

There would be silence – deep silence. And then, the service would begin. And the silence would be broken by a single voice that turned into a swelling of a multitude of voices singing praises to God, praises in Latin and English and Spanish and German and French and Italian.

The unfamiliar words were awkward in my mouth, but the worship was familiar – all being directed to the Lord who would move through the world in a mighty rushing wind, who would gather together such a diverse group of people to fill that place and in so doing, fill them with the Holy Spirit.

May we be gathered by that Holy Spirit this morning –
gathered as those who
struggle for justice,
work for peace,
take risks,
love God and neighbor,
and follow Christ’s example.

May we be gathered by the Holy Spirit as Lakeview Presbyterian Church;
gathered as the one body of Christ;
gathered together as the disciples on that first Pentecost –
amazed and astonished by the movement of the Holy Spirit.

May it be so. Amen.

A Life Outside of the Church

2007-05-24T14:51:00.000-05:00

Finding and creating a life outside of the church has been really difficult during this yearlong internship. I joined the Y soon after I arrived. That was good for at least getting out of the house. This past spring I was dancing a bit with another local church's worship dance program. That brought me great joy and life.

But right now I'm really struggling with having any kind of life outside of the church. It's easy enough to forget about when things are good and really busy at the church and my work brings me deep gladness. But when things are hard at the church (as they are right now, with three staff resignations and their aftermath) I really need something else in my life. It also doesn't help that I'm now living with two church members until the end of my time here. They are fantastic people, but it makes it even more difficult to have something separate from the church.

And so I'm searching and praying for something else - an activity or group or class or anything that would give me something outside of the church.

Working in a Neighborhood Church

2007-05-21T14:38:00.000-05:00

As I wade through the emails and memos that piled up while I was on vacation last week, four neighborhood children run past my window. They are laughing and screaming as they play hide and seek and celebrate the start of summer vacation.

Play travels to the courtyard, which is right next to the offices. I go outside and talk to the children, some of whom I know and others that I meet for the first time. After a short chat, I return to my office and get back to work. But being present in this neighborhood is work too. Because this church didn't leave when the neighborhood started changing.

I am reminded of that as the new lawn maintenance company comes and tours the grounds. The foreman is concerned about the area and makes jokes with the adminstrative assistant about safety and being robbed. She shurgs him off and says that robbery can happen anywhere.

I am reminded of my own doubts and fears about serving this church for the year and feeling safe when at the church alone. Those doubts and fears are gone now. And I smile and laugh as the children run past my window again.

(Not my) Graduation Day

2007-05-19T16:21:00.000-05:00

The Columbia Theological Seminary class of 2007 graduated today. I went to the commencement ceremony. I watched the graduates walk across the stage, receive their diploma, and get their hood. I listened as they were declared masters of all things divine.

And I shed a few tears as everyone stood to clap and honor all of the graduates.

Because I could have been one of them.

I could have been one of them because my class graduated today. The class I started seminary with finished seminary today. So I could have been one of the MDiv graduates today.

That could have been me in the cap, gown and hood today, but I don't know that it should have been. My yearlong internship is proving to be invaluable in terms of practical experience. And so I will graduate next year, with my other class.

Highlights from vacation

2007-05-18T16:27:00.000-05:00

being welcomed back to campus by lots of fresh flowers from friends
sitting in the pew on Sunday
watching a friend's dance recital (& the most adorable little kids ever)
reading for pleasure on the quad in the sun
jumping on a trampoline
good convos about call and the church and working in the church and discernment
playing Sequence
visiting The Chocolate Bar
picnic on the quad
watching friends learn to play cricket
sleeping in & just relaxing

And it's here ...

2007-05-12T09:45:00.000-05:00

Vacation starts today! Yippee!

I'm in the airport (and really excited about the free wireless).

I'm trying to figure out how to leave all the work stuff of the week here - resignations and resulting tension, conflict, and drama at the church - and enjoy myself and recharge. But my heart aches for what the church is going through and I don't know how to cut that off. Seeing friends and spending time with non-internship church people will be good.

I can only take so much

2007-05-08T07:51:00.000-05:00

The week so far:

organist resigned effective immediately by letter on Sunday morning
choir director resigned in person on Monday
emergency personnel committee meeting this afternoon

house I am living in does not have A/C
I was supposed to move to condo on the beach this afternoon, but that fell through unexpectedly on Sunday evening
therefore I live with the windows open ... but that means I woke up to a house that smells like a campfire because the wind has brought the smoke and ash from the Georgia wildfires down to Florida

When will it be Saturday?

Vacation cannot get here soon enough!

"Playing at Worship"

2007-05-05T18:58:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday was Youth Celebration Sunday. The church’s after-school tutoring program and elementary youth group had ended the previous Thursday and Friday, respectively. In worship on Sunday, we recognized these programs – the children who had participated in them, the adults who had led them, and the volunteers who had helped make them possible.

I planned worship and preached. I had the children participate in worship. They were the greeters at the door. They helped to usher. One child led the call to worship. During the offertory, the children offered a worship dance I had taught them over the year. It was a lot of work, but in the end I think things went well.

On Monday, I met with my Supervised Ministry Committee. (We meet monthly to discuss my internship and the work I am doing.) This month we were discussing the youth program. I had helped with it all year. Part of the discussion included a chance for comments on the youth celebration worship service.

A retired minister who sits on my committee said: “If I had known that it was going to be Youth Celebration Sunday, I wouldn’t have come to church. I don’t like those Sundays. It’s just kids ‘playing at worship.’”

I was slightly upset by the comment that night, but conversation moved away from the worship service. However, as I have continued to reflect on the comment, I am more upset and disheartened by the response.

I believe it was not just children “playing at worship” on Sunday. I believe it was children participating in and leading actual worship; I believe it was an opportunity for the children to learn about worship; I believe it was children being given a space to use their gifts in worship too.

Because if children don’t get these opportunities, chances are they might start to think the church doesn’t care if they are there or not. And we wonder why we’re missing so many 18-35 year olds in our churches today …

I can still remember my confirmation Sunday. The confirmation class planned and led the whole service, including the sermon. I was one of four young people who preached on my statement of faith that day. I am so grateful for that experience and support from my church, for that implicit statement of “you matter as a child of God and as a member of this congregation.”

And then, of course, the Presbyterian in me can’t help but point out a few citations from the Book of Order:

• W-1.1001: “… in worship the faithful offer themselves to God and are equipped for God’s service in the world.”

• W-1.4003: “In Jesus Christ, the Church is a royal priesthood in which worship is the work of everyone … no one shall be excluded from participation or leadership in public worship in the Lord’s house on the grounds of race, color, class, age, sex, or handicapping condition.”

• W-3.1003: “… the order for worship should provide for and encourage the participation of all.”

• W-3.1004: “Children bring special gifts to worship and grow in faith through their regular inclusion and participation in the worship of the congregation. Those responsible for planning and leading the participation of children in worship should consider the children’s level of understanding and ability to respond … regular programs of the church should not prevent children’s full participation with the whole congregation in worship.”

Alright, that’s the end of my somewhat coherent rant.

Faith Like a Child

2007-04-29T13:17:00.000-05:00

Sunday, April 29, 2007
Youth Celebration Sunday
John 21:1-19

When you walked in this morning, you might have noticed some things that are different. Colorful balloons float in the air, posters adorn the walls, some of the furniture has been slightly rearranged. In general, things are a little bit brighter and more cheery and more open.

Yet we continue with our worship service as normal. Even with a few things different, we find comfort in the things we know, the things we have come to expect – there will be a great piano duet from Fran and Hilton, there’ll be scripture and a sermon, and some hymns. We will take a long time to pass the peace and greet one another. And that regular rhythm of worship can be familiar and comforting. Even when a few things are new and different.

That comfort is what the disciples are looking for in this morning’s scripture. Their world has been turned upside down and back again. Jesus was condemned to death, crucified on a cross, and laid to rest in a tomb. Jesus’ body was missing and there was news he had been seen by Mary. And then Jesus himself appeared to the disciples and offered them his peace. But then, in a whirlwind moment, Jesus was gone again.

What do the disciples do now? Who will lead them? How do they find a way forward? They return to what is comfortable. They go back to what they know. They head out to the sea and pick up their nets and fish.

It’s what they’ve done for most of their lives. It’s what they were busy doing when Jesus first called them to follow him. It’s familiar and takes little thought. But the night does not bring a good catch. Even that one thing that was familiar and routine to them does not bring comfort.

Until Jesus appears again. It’s his third appearance to the disciples. Perhaps things are a little foggy that morning or the disciples are weary from the events of the past weeks and the long night of unsuccessful fishing, but the disciples do not recognize Jesus.

Nevertheless, he calls out from the shore: “Children, cast your nets on the other side. Try one more time before coming in for the morning.” And the disciples give it a whirl. Why not?

And they are overwhelmed by their nets that overflow with fish. Tons and tons of fish. And once again, their eyes are opened to recognize and see their savior and friend.

“It is the Lord! That’s Jesus standing on the beach. He’s appeared to us again!”

And I love Simon Peter’s reaction. He throws on some clothes. (I guess one usually fishes without them on … ) But he throws on some clothes and then dives right into the sea to start swimming back to shore, to get to Jesus, to get there as quickly as possible. In his exuberance and excitement, he can’t wait for the boat to row its way to shore. He has to do something right away to get himself to Jesus.

It’s not very logical. The boat could probably be rowed to shore just as quickly, though maybe not with the huge catch of fish. It’s not very sensible. Simon Peter and his clothes will be sopping wet by the time he is standing on the beach. It’s not very understandable or reasonable. He will only get there a little bit quicker than the boat, if at all.

In fact, Simon Peter’s actions, they’re downright impulsive and childlike. But Simon Peter is so eager to see his leader and friend again. In his mind, there is no other option but this exuberant greeting.

It’s a greeting that’s familiar to anyone who’s worked with or spent time with infants and young children. Last year at seminary, I spent two days a week with Amelia, an adorable little girl who’s almost two now. And we would read and play and giggle and sometimes cry (Amelia if she was hungry and myself when she refused to go down for a nap).

We generally had a great time together rolling around on the floor. But when Amelia’s mommy came home and she heard that voice and those footsteps, Amelia would crawl excitedly or run wobbly over to her mommy, forgetting all else.

And that’s pretty similar to Simon Peter’s impulsive action of jumping into the sea and racing toward shore when he realizes it’s Jesus standing there. As a matter of fact, it’s his childish behavior and childlike faith that drew me to his passage. Because it’s something that I think we grown-ups need to hear and remember and embrace.

For though grown-ups were once children, few of them remember it (Saint- Exupéry). O we remember the stories of childhood memories and can picture the neighborhood friends all right, but we don’t really remember that childlike outlook on life.

We’d prefer, as CS Lewis states, “to put away all childish things” and just be very grown up, to follow society’s standards for proper behavior.

Author Antoine de Saint-Exupéry illustrated this point so well in his book The Little Prince. While flying over the Sahara Desert, a man’s plane crashes. He is in the middle of nowhere. While attempting to fix the engine and make the plane usable to leave the desert, a small person appears as if out of nowhere. And the man is introduced to the little prince.

The little prince is the most extraordinary small person, with golden hair the color of wheat. He has the questioning innocence of a child coupled with the wisdom of one wise beyond his years.

The little prince, originally from Asteroid B-612, tells grand stories of the people he has met in his travels. They have all been grown-ups and sadly they have not understood what the matters of true importance are. The little prince explains, “Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.”

Like how a mass of scribbles of some color is a magical kingdom. Or how the couch can become a fort in the wilderness. Because why wouldn’t it be?

And so, few grown-ups remember that childlike trust and belief are actually a gift. To be satisfied with simple answers, to not have to have everything proven by numbers and facts and proper sources.

Because there is no concrete proof for faith in God. There are a lot of grand stories and tales of miracles and reasons to believe, but there’s no absolute, 100%-guaranteed proof. Because that’s the nature of faith – depending with childlike trust on what cannot be perfectly explained or seen with the eyes, saying “yes” to holy mystery that cannot be fully clarified.

It’s that moment of coming to the edge of all that you know and trusting that one of two things will happen: there’ll be something to stand on in that next step or you will be taught to fly, to soar with the faith of a child. It’s that moment of seeing your savior across the sea and jumping into the water to swim to him as fast as possible.

And then it’s helping others to do the same. After a picnic on the beach of fresh fish and some loaves of bread, Jesus says to Simon Peter, “Do you love me?” And Simon Peter replies readily, “Yes Lord, you know I love you.” “Well then, feed my lambs, care for my sheep.”

Jesus asks this question not once, but three times. And by the third time, I can picture Simon Peter, with his childlike exuberance from moments before, standing up and saying “Lord you know everything. So yes, Jesus, I love you this much,” flinging his arms wide open as children are prone to do.

Yet after answering Jesus’ question three times, Simon Peter also understands. If he loves Jesus “this much,” that love has to be put into action so others can know and love Jesus “this much” too.

And in the church that means we teach the faith, we grow in our knowledge and understanding of God, and we tend for the sheep and the lambs, the children and the least of these, the “have-nots” in a world of “haves.”

As a church, we’ve done that this past school year. Some of you have spent time with a child reading a book and discussing it or listening to an older child read back to you. Some of you have taught Bible stories and played games and done crafts and assisted with the Christmas pageant with the elementary youth. Still others have prayed for these ministries and supported them with your offering.

And in doing so, we have tended for the sheep, cared for the lamb and perhaps learned from the innocence and awe and longing of a child.

May those lessons not stop today.

May you embrace some childishness and take a balloon home with you. May you find ways to tend for the lambs among you. And most importantly, may you live with that trusting, easily believing, exuberant faith – faith like a child.

In the name of the Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer; Amen.

Joy and Life

2007-04-26T11:42:00.000-05:00

I love to dance. I danced at a studio for 13 years growing up.

When I started at internship church, a member told me about a worship dance program at another church on the other side of town. I made contact and was welcomed to visit. I visited and continued to drop in when I could.

This past Sunday was the year end Worship Dance Celebration. It brought me such joy and life to dance in one of the pieces and to assist backstage.

Here I am with my fellow angels.

Some learnings

2007-04-24T19:22:00.000-05:00

So things have picked up again after the post-Lent break. The admin assistant is on vacation this week. Here are some of the (not-so) fun things I've learned already this week:

Bugs, specifically grain weevils, lay eggs in cardboard boxes in food plants. These eggs lay dormant for a long time and we never even know they are there. Until ... boxes of pasta sit on the food pantry shelf at the outreach center for too long. Then when someone walks in and is really quiet it sounds like milk hitting Rice Krispies. Snap, crackle, pop ... ewwww! Lots of pasta got tossed. Lots of dead bugs on the floor and on the shelves and probably in other unseen locations. We are now storing pasta in the freezer.
The church is getting a new pest control company. The old one wasn't always showing up every month. So the church is getting bids from five different companies over two days. I showed one of the guys around today. He was checking out the kitchen area. I told him that we had found boxes with corners chewed off a few months ago, but hadn't seen any problems recently. He opened up the cupboard under the sink, took one look, and said "See that. Rat poop. He's still around." Nice ...
The church has a building that it used to rent to a health clinic. The clinic left it a mess and the church is ready to utilize the space again. So that building, first and second floor, got demoed last week. Only problem is the plans the demo crew was using were not completely accurate and they started to bust through a load bearing wall. A plank is supporting the area that got knocked out before the crew realized what it had done. It does not look good and the church has got to get someone in there soon to fix it.

That's it for now. I think that's enough.

Hearing is Believing

2007-04-08T08:58:00.000-05:00

Sunday, April 8, 2007
Easter Sunrise Service

John 20:1-18

It is the third day.

For Mary Magdelene and the other disciples
time might have been flying by
or slowly marching onward
as they continued to contemplate
what they had seen and heard over the past week.

How did it all fit together?
Had only a handful of days passed?
Had it all really happened?

How could Jesus,
the one who had healed so many of the sick and lame,
the one who had come into town on a donkey,
the one who had just broken bread with them,
how could that Jesus really be dead?

But he is.
“It is finished.”
His body has even been laid in a tomb.
A stone has been rolled in front of it.

But it is the third day,
and Mary, who has risen while it is still dark,
(much like us today)
is drawn to the tomb.

Perhaps she goes to anoint Jesus’ body with more oils;
or to continue her period of mourning;
maybe she just wants to sit outside the tomb and keep watch.

Regardless, she expects to find death there.
But she finds something that seems even worse –
the stone has been rolled away.

The stone that was supposed to protect Jesus’ body.
Who could have done this?
Who would do such a thing?

Mary turns on her heel and leaves to tell the others.
They are little help.
Simon Peter and the other disciple race to the tomb.

The stone really has been rolled away.
They peer in and see that the tomb really is empty.
But then they return home.

And in the early hours of the third day,
Mary is left alone … outside the tomb … weeping.

For everything she sees points to
a friend who is dead and whose body is now missing:
a stone removed from the tomb;
the linen wrappings lying there;
the cloth that had covered a sacred head there also;
two angels in white.

And it all just adds to her weeping and her grief and her mourning.

Until a word – the Word – shatters the illusion.
“Mary,” Jesus says.
It’s enough to make her turn around
and take a second look at the gardener.

“Mary.”
It’s a voice she knows.
And with that one word, Mary recognizes him.

Suddenly, she knows; she really knows.
It isn’t the gardener standing before her.
This is her Teacher; this is her dear friend; this is Jesus!

And Mary begins to see.
Hearing has helped her to believe.

Jesus is alive!
Christ has risen from the dead!

It wasn’t what she expected, even though he talked about it.
It wasn’t what she anticipated that early morning.
This is something genuinely new and radical,
and only possible with God.

Those things she had seen earlier –
the empty tomb and the linen clothes and the head wrapping –
they didn’t mean that someone had stolen the body.

They were signs that God had defeated death.
Christ had been raised from the dead.
And now that Mary gets it,
she wants to hold on to him.

But Jesus tells her no.
His place is on the right hand of the Father.
And Mary knows that is true.

She sets off to find the other disciples.
To tell them what she has heard,
the thing that has enabled her to believe her eyes:

“Christ is risen!
He is risen indeed!
And he called me by name!

“He knew I didn’t yet understand what had happened;
and he called my name to make sure I got it.
Christ has been raised from the dead!”

Indeed, Christ has been raised from the dead!

And that Christ who appeared in the garden outside the tomb
and called Mary by name that first Easter morning,
is the Christ who still calls us by name.

He is the one who knows his own –
each weeping woman, every doubting disciple;
each tired follower, every joyful worshipper –

Christ is the one who knows each of his own
and calls out to them,
calls out to us.

Christ calls each one of us by name.
And with that single word,
we, who were nobodies, have been named and called anew –
we are children of God.

Children of God who have heard the voice of Jesus –
the voice of the One who knows us and calls us.

Calls us to celebrate and sing and dance.
Calls us to worship and praise and honor God.
Calls us to remember and hear the story anew.

But Jesus does not call us here for just a single revelation;
Jesus also commands us to go and speak –
to become proclaimers of the Word –
like Mary that first Easter morning.

And in so doing, Jesus not only calls us by name, but also calls us on.
Calls us on to Easter living.
Calls us to spread the Good News.
Calls us to tell the story so others may also hear the call,
that hearing may lead to believing.

In the name of our Risen Lord and Savior;
Alleluia. Amen.

Silence

2007-04-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

I like silence.

I'm an introvert and I enjoy good periods of being silent (especially if I'm reading while it's silent).

But I also really like silence in worship services.

I had the privilege of staying a week at the Taize community in France a year and a half ago. I loved attending worship three times a day there because silence is such an integral part of it. There was sufficient space to just be in the presence of God. Words were minimal. And the space was holy.

The pastor and I tried to craft holy, silent space at the Maundy Thursday service. People were pretty good at entering in silence. The narthex and sanctuary were lit by candlelight and the pianist played some beautiful prelude selections that helped people meditate or just be quiet. At the end of the service, there was no benediction and the bulletin indicated that people should exit singing the last verse of "Were You There?" and then leave in silence. The pastor and I walked down the aisle during the verse in hope that people would follow. We then circled back around to the sanctuary - no receiving line/greeeting time. People did follow, but they were not silent once the verse was over. There was lots of chatting and calling across the narthex to others. I was in the sanctuary starting to extinguish the candles. A congregant came up to me and offered to do that so I could go greet people. I politely told him that I was okay extinguishing the candles because I would prefer that people would leave in silence.

When we so often fill so much of our time and space with words, how do we teach others to honor silence?

Living into Holy Week

2007-04-05T11:41:00.000-05:00

I'm having trouble living into Holy Week.

My pastoral intern mind is thinking about Easter Sunday and what the weather will be like at 6:45 in the morning.
I've started to plan for the 4th Sunday in Easter when I will preach next and have to incorporate a celebration of youth into the service.
I'm starting to think about the 5th Sunday in Easter when I will dance in worship with at least one little girl from the congregation.

And so, I'm having trouble living into Holy Week.

And these are some of my favorite worship services of the year. Last year I showed my church nerd colors by attending and liturgizing at a noonday Holy Week Service on Wednesday, attending a Maundy Thursday service done house church style with a meal, a Good Friday service on the seven last words of Jesus, an Easter Vigil (a first time for me and I loved it!), and an Easter Sunday service.

So this is my hope and prayer - that I will stop at some point over the next few days and live into that day of Holy Week.

The Lull Before the Storm

2007-03-31T21:01:00.000-05:00

Today was a wonderful Sabbath for me. Lots of lounging around and reading. Watched some movies on tv. Got my haircut.

This past week I only worked 40 hours. It was nice. I also find it hard to believe since the "Clergy Superbowl" is almost upon us.

But Maundy Thursday service is planned, including liturgical dance that is already choreographed and has been practiced with musician and soloist.

Easter Sunrise Service bulletin is completed. Sermon/meditation is outlined.

For right now, I'm enjoying the lull before the storm ...

A Way Through

2007-03-26T11:04:00.000-05:00

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Isaiah 43:16-21

Have you ever had to make your way through the jungle? Cutting back the brush, holding back the limbs, searching for a path of least resistance? Looking for a way to let some light into the habitat that is so thick and dense that it blocks out all of the sun’s rays.

Think George of the Jungle. Fighting through the thick of untended vegetation. Finding a new path in the wilderness of creation.

No? Well, I haven’t either, but I imagine its hard work. (Harder work than even Ed and Bill and Tom had yesterday as they tore down the fence that has become entangled in the bush on the corner of 13th Street. And that looked like really hard work.)

So, maybe we haven’t had to fight our way through the Amazon jungle …
but what about the jungles of life? Or the wilderness of Lent?

Have you ever been in that dry place, in that desert? And when you look around, all around you, all you can see is miles of hills of sand – an unchanging landscape. No relief. No trees to offer shade and a place to stop and rest. No water to cool you and strengthen you for the journey. Nothing but dryness and sand as far as the eye can see.

My family found itself in that figurative wilderness about 12 years ago.

My dad woke up one Sunday morning and had a little difficulty moving his left arm and leg. He stayed home from church while my mom took my brothers and I to Sunday School and worship. When we returned home, my dad’s whole left side seemed to be paralyzed. He had a difficult time moving his arm and leg at all by this point. My mom and dad rushed to the emergency room and my brothers and I were shipped off to the neighbors’ house.

And so began our desert living; that would be the trend for many weeks to come. My parents at the hospital, as my dad endured test after test and visit after visit from a variety of specialists; and my brothers and I getting shuffled around to family and friends and neighbors – not too sure or clear about what was going on.

And the tests would continue, and the answers would not come. And my mom would come home at night and weep on the kitchen floor, crying out to God to do something, anything … because living in the wilderness of not knowing was too hard.

It was not a place we wanted to stay. But as we glanced around, the terrain all looked the same. More pricks and pokes, scans and prods. And still no answers. Another night in the hospital. More tests and still the bafflement of what was happening in my dad’s body. Desert living – it’s not very enjoyable. But there’s no easy way out.

Eventually, the doctors would decide to do exploratory brain surgery. And when the doctors started to poke around in my dad’s brain, they discovered a tangled web of blood vessels; and we had a name for what was happening – a cavernous angioma and with the name, a little bit of water in the desert. Some relief.

Those blood vessels had probably been in my dad’s brain since birth, but that fall they had started to bleed on my dad’s motor strip, causing the abrupt, unexplainable paralysis and our sudden wilderness surroundings. But the doctors were able to remove it successfully and my dad began the slow process of recovery.

Rivers began to spring up in our wilderness. Hope began to blossom.

And that’s the same hope the writer of Isaiah is conveying to the people of God: today’s Scripture passage is a “proclamation of salvation” – it’s scandalous good news! It invites us to remember what happened the last time the Lord’s people found themselves in a dry wilderness.

It was during the exodus from Egypt. Difficult times indeed. But …

God showed up. God provided. God listened. God was there.

When all the exhausted Hebrews could see ahead was wilderness, God offered them some water. When all the worn out and worn down people could see behind was a land of slavery, a land that started to look good again, God offered them some shade. When all the chosen people could do was complain and sulk, God was there.

God was there providing nourishment – enough water and manna each day;
God was there providing leadership – through Moses and Aaron.
God was there intruding into their lives –
into their messy, often ungrateful lives –
providing a way where there was no way. A way through to the other side.

Through.

The Hebrew people didn’t have a non-stop ticket to the Promised Land. They had some layovers. Forty years of layovers in the wilderness to be exact. But, that wilderness was the way to the Promise.

Through it.

Because sometimes the only way out, or on, or forward is through.

And as I’ve been thinking about this all week – finding a way through –
a song with motions came to mind. Are you surprised?
It’s the childhood song “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.”
Do you know the song I’m talking about?
Did you learn it as a child in preschool or at camp around a campfire?
If not, it goes like this
(you can join me if you know it, it’s a repeat after me song)

We’re going on a bear hunt. We’re going on a bear hunt.
We’re going to catch a big one. We’re going to catch a big one.
Oh, oh! Grass. Oh, oh! Grass.
Long, wavy grass. Long, wavy grass.
Can’t go over it. Can’t go over it.
Can’t go under it. Can’t go under it.
Can’t go around it. Can’t go around it.
Gotta go through it. Gotta go through it.
Swishy, swashy, swishy, swashy.

We’re going on a bear hunt. We’re going on a bear hunt.
We’re going to catch a big one. We’re going to catch a big one.
Oh, oh! Mud. Oh, oh! Mud.
Thick, oozy mud. Thick, oozy mud.
Can’t go over it. Can’t go over it.
Can’t go under it. Can’t go under it.
Can’t go around it. Can’t go around it.
Gotta go through it. Gotta go through it.
Squelch, squelch, squelch, squelch.

And the song continues in the same manner,
as the bear hunters also travel through
a deep, cold river;
a big, dark forest;
and into a big, dark cave.

They travel through each of these physical barriers because there’s no other way forward – can’t go over it, can’t go under it, can’t go around it; the grass must swish at their legs, the mud must ooze between their toes, the river must rush over their feet. Because that’s the way to the bear. And so the bear hunters travel on and through.

And even though that’s just a silly childhood song
and we’re not going on a bear hunt through all sorts of terrain,
there's the simple message in it of having to travel through.

Because we also travel through:
Maybe not through thick, oozy mud or a deep, cold river,
But through the endless nights of worry;
Or through the lonely places of loss;
Or through the heavy days of grief and sorrow;
Straight into the depth of pain.

Through.

Through the illness, the changes, the divorce, the waiting, and the difficulties.
Through whatever it is that you may be facing this day.

We travel through this Lenten journey, also.
A journey that’s almost done.
Beginning in the wilderness and then on
through a parade of palms, a final meal with friends, a cross, and a tomb.

Through, but not alone.

For on the journey through whatever dry land
you or I have faced, or may currently face, or will face,
there is a gracious God with us:
a God who speaks and brings nourishment;
a God who acts and crafts a new future;
a God who creates something out of nothing,
a bright future out of a dismal present;
a God who is there.

For, in the desert and dry wilderness places of life, our hope is that God intrudes and walks with us on our way through. Water in the wilderness; a river in the desert. Our God does not abandon us in the wilderness or leave us to negotiate the difficult places alone. God is with us on the way through.

God was with my family on the way through – hearing our prayers, allowing our tears, enduring our questions, and carrying us through.

And God’s presence was not the only stream that provided some relief in the desert. There were also the prayers of family and friends, strangers and numerous congregations. Cards with prayers filled one whole wall of our kitchen. And the sight of that wall, that well of water in our parched land, helped us make our way through.

Through. It’s not the easy path. Over and around would certainly be better at times. Avoid the heartache and bypass the difficulties.

But that’s not the “proclamation of salvation,” that’s not the good news in the text this morning. The good news is that God provides a way through; makes a way where there is no way; opens our imagination to behold a new thing; and is our ever faithful companion on the journey.

For God cries out:
“Behold, I am doing a new thing! It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?!”
There’s a way through.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

O yeah ... I'm in Florida ...

2007-03-08T09:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we had our staff meeting/lunch for the month. (When the only people in the office are the administrative assistant, the pastor, and myself, you really don't need official meetings too often).

We were making sure that things were set for Easter. We finalized the number of lilies and mums to order for the sanctuary from the local nursery. Then I asked if we would be getting some palms for Palm Sunday. At this point the pastor said, "Well yeah, we just go outside and cut them off the trees."

O yeah ... I'm in Florida ...

Sacred (and not-so-sacred) Moments

2007-03-05T12:29:00.000-05:00

I assisted with the Ash Wednesday service a week and a half ago. I'm still thinking about it because there was something so sacred about dipping my thumb in a bowl of ashes, looking each individual in the eye, and saying "Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return." Amen and amen.
I've made a lot of visits to homebound and nursing home members lately. As I pray aloud at the end of each visit, I am struck every time by these precious children of God joining me in the Lord's Prayer even though they don't know what day it is or where they are or who I am. But that prayer is lodged in their memory.
Yesterday the pastor, an elder and myself served homebound Lord's Supper to four individuals. It had been a long day of worship, meetings, and the CROP Walk. By the time we arrived at our last stop, it was 7pm. The last woman we were to serve lives in a memory unit of a facility. It was an interesting service. We had individuals interrupting us throughout and one woman shouting and swearing at us as we closed the service in prayer. Yet, there was also the moment when we asked the woman if she had any favorite hymns we could sing in closing. She burst into all six verses of some hymn that we struggled to find in our packets.

Redrawing the Line

2007-02-26T12:25:00.000-05:00

I'm redrawing the line.

My days off are my time.

I deserve them,
even if I don't have a spouse or children;
even if I don't have friends outside of the church in this area;
even if I don't have any plans for those days.

If unexpected/pastoral things happen on my day off,
I will take other time off.

There's the line.

Enough

2007-02-25T16:17:00.000-05:00

I had reached my breaking point.

I was working long hours, including hours on my days off. I was reaching the point of exhaustion. I needed to escape.

So I took off for the weekend and headed back to seminary to visit friends.

And it was enough:

just to sleep in
just to see some friends (and in general, people my own age)
to have a few meaningful conversations
to sit in chapel and receive communion
to sit around a bonfire with others, even if I only had the energy to half participate in conversation

The visit was enough and it will get me through.

Let Your Light Shine

2007-02-18T22:57:00.000-05:00

Sunday, February 18, 2007
Transfiguration of the Lord

Exodus 34:29-35 & Luke 9:28-36

The summer after 10th grade was filled with lots of firsts for me. That summer was the first time I ever flew in an airplane. That summer was the first time I ever traveled to Mexico. That summer was the first time I’ve ever been to a mountaintop that shone with God’s glory.

God’s glory – it’s a pretty mysterious wonderful thing. Kind of nebulous, something bright, maybe even shiny; probably beyond any human description. But we hear two attempts to describe that glorious shining in today’s scripture passages.

First, there is Moses. Moses – with his faulty leadership skills and lack of confidence in himself. But God has chosen Moses to be a leader among the people. And Moses follows God’s call, however hesitantly. Moses obeys God and leads the people out of Egypt and into the wilderness. Once in the wilderness, Moses follows God up a mountain. And there, on top of a mountain, away from the people, on numerous occasions, Moses encounters God.

Moses most often encounters God in words – in a new list of commands to relate to the people, a new set of rituals that will guide and sustain them, a fresh set of guidelines that will bring order to the chaotic masses. But in the midst of the commands and the rituals, and the rules and the guidelines, and the policies and the procedures (if you’ve read Exodus, Leviticus, or Numbers recently you know what I’m talking about) – in the midst of all that, Moses demands to see the Lord’s glory, to witness the Lord’s presence, to know that he really is not leading these childish people on his own. And the Lord reveals the Lord’s glory to Moses.

But after the flashing of God’s glorious backside, talk resumes. More guidelines, more rules. And then Moses receives the Ten Commandments on two tablets and begins to make his way back down the mountain. And Moses is unaware that a change has occurred in him. His face now reflects the glory of the Lord. His face shines because he has been talking with God – really talking to the One who has been Deliverer, Provider, and the Great I AM.

And the shininess scares people. Aaron and the Israelites are afraid to go near him. Maybe so as not to scare the people or maybe because Moses didn’t know what else to do, he begins a practice of putting a veil over his face, to cover this shining that isn’t anywhere near normal. And the only time that Moses lets his face shine is when he speaks with the Lord.

Moses isn’t the only one trying to contain the glorious shining of the Lord. Centuries later, Peter tries it too. Up on the mountain with Jesus, he and James and John are tired. Keeping up with Jesus’ traveling and speaking and preaching schedule is quite a feat. These disciples are barely staying awake when something miraculous happens and jars them from anything near a comatose state to bright-eyed and bushy tailed – for Jesus is suddenly radiating light. His face is shining and his clothes are dazzling white; he’s become the perfect image for a bleach commercial.

And in the midst of the radiance and the shining and the blinding brilliance, Peter stammers for something to say, something to do, some sort of worthy reaction. Build three dwellings. That seems like just the thing. Create a space where these giants of faith can stay.

But before Peter can think of a next step or form a committee to assist him, a voice sounds from nowhere and Moses and Elijah disappear. At this point, Peter decides it might be better not to tell anyone else about these crazy occurrences. They have left him terrified into silence. The disciples are already different enough for following a man around who claims to be the Lord. No need to add hallucinations, delusions, and disembodied booming voices to that.

Was Peter crazy? Sure, but probably not in the mentally unstable, needs to be in an institution with padded walls way. More in the way it takes to be one of the first followers of Christ.

Did Peter really see the glory of the Lord? Hard for us to say so many years later. We could probably explain it away with the science and physics of light refraction and reflection and the exact placement of the sun and the clouds on the mountaintop that day. But that doesn’t really matter. It’s a story in the Bible; it’s a story for us.

And when we’re left with these two stories of God’s glory being reflected in Moses and Jesus, two individuals, I believe God’s light does shine in people in miraculous ways. I’ve experienced it before. I experienced it during that summer of firsts.

All of those firsts – the airplane trip, going to Mexico, seeing God’s glory – occurred when I joined my church’s mission team and traveled to Tijuana, Mexico to stay and work at Colina de Luz for a week that summer after 10th grade.

Colina de Luz sits atop a hill over the city of Tijuana. Colina de Luz, whose name translated means “hill of light,” is an orphanage. And this orphanage lives up to its name.

The structure itself is a hill of light. It is painted bright white and stands out amid the earthy backdrop and gloomy city dwellings. But it is a mountaintop that shines with God’s glory for another reason. The staff and the children know God. More specifically, they know God through God’s Word.

Three times a day, before every meal, the director of the orphanage comes into the cafeteria to speak to the children and to drill them. Directions are called out and the children recite the alphabet forward and backward at warp speed. But beyond seeing how fast they can recite some letters, they are taught to memorize scripture, in both Spanish and English. They practice before every meal. Because God’s Word matters. It gives the people at Colina de Luz a light that shines out from atop that hill.

And rather than hide it beneath a veil like Moses, or try to contain it within the walls of a structure like Peter, they let their light shine. And it’s visible to all who visit there.

Now, I don’t know how many of you would say that you’ve had a mountaintop experience – a trip or a day or a moment when you caught a glimpse of God or witnessed a transfiguration in a life. And even if you have, maybe it looks different than Moses’ or Peter’s or mine.

Perhaps sometimes it is easier to see the light when we are in a different context. It was easier for the disciples, way up on that mountaintop, even as they were sleepy. That’s also where Moses began reflecting God’s light, up on the mountaintop, away from the complaining people with physical and emotional needs. Some Christians today have experienced God’s glory on mission trips and pilgrimages and holy retreats away from home. Places away from normal life, away from the busyness and demands of the world.

But the whole point of letting your light shine is that it can’t stay on the mountaintop, or be contained in a structure, or hidden under a veil.

The light must go out.

The light needs to reach down into the low, everyday places too. The light needs to be present in hospital waiting rooms and street corners, in homes and outside of our homes. The light of God needs to be present here today as we remember Pauline Thompson and find hope in the light of the One who rose from the dead.

So, if we’re going to let our little light shine in all those places and everywhere we go, we’ve got to meet God everyday – we’ve got to come face to face with the One whose glory we will reflect.

Now I’m not suggesting you go mountain climbing or hang out in the wilderness for a while or travel all the way to Mexico – but you could meet the Lord everyday in God’s Word, in this book, in the midst of these rich pages, pages that are filled with stories of love and faithfulness and grace, but also stories of trials and betrayals and mistakes, and still stories of redemption and second chances. Let the words on the pages and the Word incarnate so soak into your heart and life that it changes you, changes you so that you reflect God’s glory.

On the mountaintop that day, God’s booming voice interrupted Peter’s scattered train of thought and gave the disciples a command: “This is my Son, my Chosen; listen to him!” Listen for dear life. Listen to his words of forgiveness and mercy. Listen to his call for justice and peace. Listen to his promises of paradise and his words from the cross. Listen also to his first words after the resurrection, calling a bewildered and grief stricken Mary by name. Listen to Christ’s words.

For when we encounter God in God’s Word, our inner lights are renewed for the journey, whether that journey be up a mountaintop or down into the valley. And as we are refreshed we go out as mirrors of God’s grace and glory, bearers of God’s presence, to let our light shine in the world. For, the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

It's Girl Scout Cookie Time

2007-02-17T21:13:00.000-05:00

She wears a "G" for generosity;
She wears an "I" for interest, too;
She wears a "R" for real life sportsmanship;
She wears a "L" for loyalty, for loyalty;

She wears a "S" for sincerity;
She wears a "C" for courtesy, for courtesy;
She wears an "O" "U" "T" for outdoor life, outdoor life;
And that's the kind of girl I want to be ... a girl scout!

Yes I was a girl scout ... for three years.
And yes, I still remember the song.

But even better than that, I now to get support other girl scouts by eating their cookies!

My reward for finishing up my sermon: a glass of wine and some thin mints :)

Memorial Services

2007-02-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

The pastor and I faced a dilemma at the end of January. A longtime member of the church, Mrs T, died suddenly at the age of 98. She was in relatively good health; she had only just started to use a walker; she was living on her own in a retirement community.

As the pastor contacted family members (she only had a couple living relatives), we found out that Mrs T had told them she didn't want a funeral or memorial service. None of this was in writing and she had never told the pastor or any church member of this wish. The family had her cremated and did not wish for anything else to occur.

However, the retirement community at which Mrs T lived is where about 20 of our 100 members live. They were upset at Mrs T's sudden death and kept asking about when the memorial service would be.

The pastor and I felt we couldn't make the decision ourselves about what to do. We presented it to the session during session training at the beginning of February. They voted to celebrate the life of Mrs T and bear witness to the resurrection in worship on February 18th. This would offer a means of closure to the church family, who needs it, but still try to honor the family's wishes and Mrs T's apparent wishes.

Anyone have any other thoughts on how to handle such a situation?

Did you know ...

2007-02-10T09:15:00.000-05:00

Did you know that if you sleep on the same side of your head every night, the hair on that side will not grow as fast as the hair on the other side?

I didn't ... until I went to get my hair cut this week and my hair dresser told me what side I sleep on.

Ethical or not?

2007-02-09T10:40:00.000-05:00

Internship Church is a small church. There are four church members, including the church treasurer, who can sign checks. Each check, regardless of amount, must have two signatures.

The other day one of the signers came in to sign some checks. She signed a number of reimbursement checks, including one for herself. I had an issue with this. With four possible signers and two signatures needed, I didn't think anyone should sign checks for herself (all the signers happen to be female). However, the signer and the church administrative assistant didn't seem to see a problem with the signer signing her own check.

What do you think? Ethical or not?

Help

2007-02-08T09:20:00.000-05:00

I came home from work on Monday to a cold house. I discovered that the pilot light had gone out in the heater. Being an independent chick who has grown up with a gas stove, I tried to relight it myself.

Didn't work.

At this point, I was hesitant to try it again and potentially have large flames emerge in a house that was not mine nor even a church member's. After a few minutes of hating to bother someone, I decided to call a church member to come over and help me out. He was happy to do so. He came over and he was able to relight the pilot light on the first try, doing the exact same thing I had done.

He was glad to have been able to help. It was a good reminder for me to ask for help.

Hello Again Recap

2007-02-05T19:16:00.000-05:00

Life has been busy. It really hasn't stopped too much since Christmas. And so I've been negligent about posting on my blog. So here's a recap of some highlights in the life of Emily:

Getting to preach the incarnation on Christmas Eve = amazing! However, trying to celebrate Christmas with my family the way we've always done it was pushing it. I realized that Christmas traditions will need to change drastically when I become a pastor.

Internship church secured new housing for me since I had to move out of the senior citizen community (not because I was kicked out, but because the lease was up ... in case you were wondering). New housing is the house of a local college professor who is on sabbatical. I moved half my things over one day after work and the plan was to move the rest over the next day on my day off. I tried to wash my hands after moving day one ... no water. After a few days of playing phone tag with the home owners, the water was turned back on. In the meantime, there were a few days when I would go to three houses after work: the two houses I was living between and the pastor's house to care for his cat while he was on vacation in Mexico. This made me feel like the keeper of the keys.

A Friday night in January I managed to misplace my keys three times within an hour. Yep, that sure confirmed that I was stressed out and exhausted from work stuff.

I gave the invocation at a local park dedication on a Saturday in January. Who knew a park dedication ceremony could take an hour and a half? But I did get to help cut the ribbon with fancy scissors :)

I helped lead session training last weekend. Led the group through some team building activities. They went well, but it was interesting to facilitate them as they had never done anything like this before.

God With Us

2006-12-24T20:46:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve 2006

The wait is over.
It is here.
No more time left for shopping or cooking or wrapping presents.

The wait is over.
It is here.
No more counting down or rushing around, at least not right now.

The wait is over.
The time is now.
It is the eve of Christ’s birth.

And we gather together to hear and watch the story unfold –
a story begun a long, long time ago,
one of the stories of all time
the story of a tiny babe born to Mary and Joseph,
a tiny babe that was born for us, for all of us.

And it’s a good story … one of the best;
because it contains miraculous, scandalous good news for us all.

So, we rejoice and we draw near to the One who drew near to us as God-with-us.

We join with the innkeeper and the animals,
the angels, the shepherds, and the wise men
and we gaze at the newborn baby
who lies in a manger.

We imagine becoming part of the Christmas story
(and if we are a child we do don a costume and become part of it)
because we want to be there
when the good news arrives!
when God arrives!

So we come:

Perhaps you come like the innkeeper,
overwhelmed with relatives and family, friends and even strangers at your door;
overwhelmed with the idea of having to find room for even one more;
overwhelmed with the memories of Christmases past;
overwhelmed with having to just get through;
overwhelmed and exhausted from running around.

Perhaps you are like the animals,
watching this thing unfold before your very eyes;
watching others invade your space and interrupt your life;
watching this new thing that has never happened before;
watching from the sidelines as you attempt to go about your normal life;
watching and unsure about the mystery of it all.

Or perhaps you come like the angels,
proclaiming joy from every mountaintop;
proclaiming good news for all people;
proclaiming a message that causes people to leave what they are doing and go and see;
proclaiming glory and peace and praise to the Almighty God in booming voices;
proclaiming and appearing to all those who need to know.

Perhaps you come like the shepherds,
surprised by a night shift interruption;
surprised that a Savior would come into the world in the midst of a stable and animals;
surprised that one birth would make all the difference in the world;
surprised that you have been included in this holiest of nights;
surprised and intrigued by an announcement that something amazing has happened.

Or, perhaps you come like the wise men,
following something that has led you to this place tonight;
following the worn path of a familiar journey;
following with others because it’s something you cannot do alone;
following with gifts and your greatest treasures to offer;
following and trusting in something beyond yourself.

Regardless of how you approach the manger tonight, come!
Come because
God is here;
God is with us as Emmanuel;
God is taking on flesh and bone;
because God is love and God is present.

God is with those who come overwhelmed and exhausted;
God is with those who watch from a distance;
God is with those who cannot contain their joy, but proclaim it for all to hear;
God is with those who come shocked and surprised;
And God is with those who follow and trust.

For Jesus Christ, Emmanuel,
did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited,
but emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness.

You see …
God chose to be with us,
utterly vulnerable as a baby;
completely identifying with pain and suffering;
fully human and fully divine.
God chose to be for us
in the form of a babe
born one night long ago
as a demonstration of unconditional Love.

And God chooses to be with us still,
God with those who have little food
and God with those who have an abundance;
God with those who have no family or friends
and God with those who are surrounded by loved ones;
God with those who are poor and possess little
and God with those who are rich and have plenty;
God with those who are counted among the low and forgotten;
and God with those who are well-known by all.

God chooses to be just such a God
that would dwell in the midst of
the innkeeper and the animals,
the angels, the shepherds, and the wise men.

God chooses to be just such a God
that would dwell in the world still today;
God with you,
God with me,
God with all of us tonight.

But not just tonight – always.
Because a birth in a cave leads to a death on a hill and a throne in heaven.
Because all of it stems from Love – great love.
Love that would not leave a world in darkness;
but would send a tiny babe right into the middle of it all as the true Light for all.

For God is truly with us as the Light of the world.

Thanks be to God for this gift. Amen.

This Week I've ...

2006-12-22T18:47:00.000-05:00

Cared for the 50 poinsettias in the sanctuary
Packed to fly to Michigan for Christmas vacation
Packed to move houses after vacation
Made angel, shepherd, king, Mary and Joseph costumes for the children’s pageant Christmas Eve
Wrote a Christmas Eve meditation
Did a million other things that I can't seem to remember
And worked way too many hours

Whose line is it anyways?

2006-12-18T20:48:00.000-05:00

and what are you doing crossing it …

I’ve been thinking about lines and boundaries and appropriateness lately. These thoughts have probably been spurred by some of the following occurrences:

“You better watch out because you’re just a lump of sugar. Someone might come along and bake you right into a cake and eat you up.” ~ 93 year old male congregation member
whistles sound in the sanctuary as I walk by as I am preparing for the worship service ~ male choir member
“Your legs look great in that skirt” ~ 90s male congregation member

So, I’m wondering how I should respond to such comments? They’re inappropriate and often make me feel uncomfortable. But what do I do? Learn to deal with it ... walk away ... I'm not sure.

Names/Titles I Have Been Called

2006-12-13T11:02:00.000-05:00

The Minister's Helper - an elderly woman in a nursing home introducing me to the nursing staff

Secretary - an elderly woman with Alzheimer's

Pastor's Wife - a congregation member I met for the first time yesterday

Rev. Zeig (I'm not ordained yet) - the chaplain at the local hospital

I think "minister's helper" was my favorite one ... made me feel like one of Santa's elves ... Oh well, explaining an 11 month full-time internship gets complicated, especially to elderly folk that aren't entirely with it.

I'm sure the women at the senior citizen condo community I'm living in are also talking about me; yesterday they were standing around and gossiping about me as I unloaded groceries from my car. I smiled and waved, but they just continued to stare and chat among themselves. Though there are days when I am bored, my life as a whole is not boring.

It's beginning to look a lot like ...

2006-12-09T16:44:00.000-05:00

summer.

At least that's what it feels like to me as I sit in my living room and look out the window to see green grass, trees full of leaves, and bushes with new blooms. This Florida weather is messing with my internal clock.

I have a hard time remembering it's December. December used to mean bundling up with coat, hat, scarf and mittens to brave the Michigan cold and snow. And even though I've spent the last two years in Georgia, at least there it got colder. And there was the great ice storm of January 2005. That day we even went "sledding" down the ice covered hills on campus.

So this warm 70s and even 80s weather in Florida is just not cutting it for me in December. And I've had to create a December feeling inside my house. I keep the condo cool (there's no need for heat anyways) so I can wear flannel pajamas with penguins at night. I play Christmas CDs and close the blinds so I don't see all the greenness outside. And I bake ... and I bake ... and I bake.

And now it's beginning to feel a little like December.

A Different Kind of King

2006-11-26T18:48:00.000-05:00

Sunday, November 26, 2006
Reign of Christ Sunday

John 18:33-38a

Have you ever met a king before? Can you picture a member of some royal family, all dressed up in fine silks and bright colors, with a crown of gold studded with emeralds and rubies on their head? Perhaps trumpets announced his arrival and all bowed as he walked past. Maybe there were attendants surrounding the king, protecting him from any angry commoner or subject as he sat upon his huge throne raised above the level of the common folk.

Such an image is not an everyday occurrence for us in the United States. We are not ruled by a king; in fact, our forebearers were trying to escape the rule of a king. But we are still familiar with royal language. We’ve seen the royal family of England on tv or read about them in the newspaper. As a matter of fact, my childhood scrapbook contains a newspaper clipping of Prince William on his first day of preschool because it was also my first day of preschool. At the top of this page in my scrapbook there’s a photograph of me standing outside Little Preschoolers wearing a plaid jumper and carrying a little backpack, and at the bottom of the page there’s a photograph of Princess Diana walking Prince William into his preschool.

If you haven’t followed the real life royal family, then perhaps you’ve at least seen kings and queens, princes and princesses in movies and read about them in books. They are always dignified, sophisticated, regal. They have crown jewels and golden scepters and they rule their kingdoms with absolute power and authority. What they say goes – no questions asked and no hesitation. And everything they do is interesting. Scandal and lies in a royal family are worthy of a major motion picture, while death and deceit in other lives are just part of an ordinary day. Yes, the title of king brings authority. Authority brings power. Power brings intrigue. And soon all are watching.

This morning we are watching Pilate in his exchange with Jesus. Pilate is an earthy fellow. He knows how the world works. The strong rule the weak; the powerful judge the actions of the not so powerful; status can be used for intimidation, investigation and interrogation. Pilate knows that this weak, beaten man before him is no ruler in his world. Pilate knows that he holds the power of life and death over this prisoner of the Jews. He also knows that this power has been given to him by the chief priests who didn’t want to deal decisively with this intriguing man.

Pilate also knows something about kings. Caesar was to be honored, even worshipped, as supremely powerful. Ultimately, Caesar held the power of life and death over all persons, including Pilate, within his wide realm. Pilate knew that Caesar’s authority rested upon his own shoulders. What he didn’t get was that authority and power of another kind rested on Jesus’ shoulders.

It was easy to miss. During the preceding night, Jesus had been betrayed by Judas and arrested in the garden by soldiers and officers of the chief priest. Simon Peter cut off a soldier’s ear, only to get berated by Jesus. Later on that night he would deny Jesus. Betrayal, blood, denial – sounds like the making of a royal family scandal. Yet, Jesus did not react as one would have expected a king to react. Jesus was bound and taken to the high priests for questioning. In the early morning, Jesus was removed from the house of the high priest Caiaphas and taken to the headquarters of the Roman occupation force for interrogation by the governor of the province of Judea.

And Jesus didn’t shout out that he wanted his advisors and councilors notified, that he wouldn’t say a word until his lawyer was present, that all cameras must be removed. Jesus silently obeyed and was transported around and through the Roman system. So it’s easy to see why Pilate is confused about Jesus’ status as a king. He certainly didn’t look like or react like anyone with power and authority.

But that’s because Jesus’ power and authority are different. His life hasn’t looked like that of a king. If Pilate is trying to find evidence of Jesus being a king, he has his work cut out for him.

Jesus wasn’t born in the midst of a grand celebration, a prince who would one day take the throne. He wasn’t lifted high for all to see as lion cub Prince Simba’s birth was honored by all of the animal kingdom in the opening scene of The Lion King. Jesus was born in a lowly stable behind an inn with not even a spare room for a pregnant woman and her husband. His first days were not spent in receptions but on the run in the cover of the night.
Jesus didn’t receive the royal treatment as a child – golden rattles, tutors and nannies watching over him, stories being written about his first day of preschool. No, he ran around causing his own mother to search wildly for him and he had a thing or two to teach his own teachers.
Jesus didn’t keep company with all the VIPs of the nations and towns. His schedule wasn’t full of appearances and speeches and benefit dinners. Instead he dined spur of the moment with sinners and tax collectors and lepers and fishermen – those at the very bottom of the hierarchy of society, those with whom a king should never have to associate himself.
Jesus wasn’t the marshall of any special parades … well there was that one, but even then he was riding on the back of a donkey. It wasn’t really a grand entrance.

And so Pilate asks, “Are you the king of the Jews?” because he’s heard some of the rumors about his life. Plus, this man is before him and he’s got to figure out what to do with him.

And Jesus replies to Pilate’s question in his typical fashion – with another question: “Why are you asking me about this? Have you heard what the others have been saying?”

Pilate is quick to deny any relation with the Jews. He tries a different question: “What have you done?” Perhaps he thinks he can sort this whole thing out by at least finding out what it is that Jesus has done to cause this uproar.

And Jesus declares “My kingdom is not from here.” The kinds of things you associate with a king are not the things I have done in my life. For I’m not concerned with having jurisdiction over provinces and soldiers. My concerns lie elsewhere. You may think that because I am here in this place I would be ruling here. But that’s not it at all. You see my kingdom is not from here. My people and I may be located here right now, but my kingdom gains it’s power from above, from God my Father.

And in his answer and its expanded meaning we see that Jesus is different than any king Pilate knows and any king we might know, and therefore his kingdom is different also. Jesus’ kingdom exists in the tension – the tension of his kingdom being “already” possible but “not yet” realized; the tension of his kingdom being made strong by its weak and marginalized members; the tension of his kingdom existing with more questions than answers. For all will be reversed in his kingdom by the power of the Word. And one day, this kingdom will be here on earth. One day this kingdom will come in this place in the way that it is in heaven.

And with Christ as King, the weak will become strong, the marginalized and oppressed will be lifted up and truth will reign. With Christ as King, we are all heirs … children of the King … part of the royal family. Like the children this morning, we get to wear a crown, too. And that means we can approach the throne of the king … because Christ’s throne is not one of brute force, high and mighty above the commoners; but of mercy and grace and strength, on exactly the same level as the people.

And all these things sound good, and they are good, but they are far from being normal and safe. Like the four children in C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe realize, the king is not always safe. In the book, four children are transported to another world, Narnia, through the back of an old wardrobe; there the children hear about the perpetual winter that exists in Narnia due to the evil White Witch. Only Aslan can put things right; for Aslan is the King; he’s the Lord of the whole wood, the King of the Beasts, and the great lion. The children are excited to hear that someone can stop the White Witch but are frightened by the description of Aslan, the great lion. One child asks, “Then he isn’t safe?” Their host, Mr. Beaver, replies “Safe? Who said anything about being safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the king, I tell you.”

Like the lion Aslan, Christ is good and Christ is not safe; but Christ is King and Christ reigns. And because Christ reigns as a different kind of king over a different kind of kingdom, we are called to be a different kind of people. We get some of the same privileges as the king – a relationship with the Father, a claim as royal heir. But as part of the royal family, we also inherit some responsibilities: serving others, loving our enemies, praying for those who persecute us, being salt and light in a world where it’s not always easy to be salt and light … in general, we must enact the ways of the kingdom that is not from here and only give power to Christ.

Because there is only One who reigns in power over all – Jesus the Christ. Remember that as we head into a season of waiting expectantly for Christmas. Remember that it’s not the advertisers or the media or the shopping centers or the best deals or Black Friday that reign supreme. It is Christ and Christ alone.

So, come these next weeks to worship – to sing and praise and lament and pray and be in community with fellow believers as always, but come also, children of the King, to a kingdom that is not from here, a kingdom that is not maintained by the rules of this world; come to see and discover a different kind of King anew, so you may live as a different kind of people.

In the name of the One who reigns in power, forever and ever; Amen.

Why My Life Will Never Be Boring

2006-11-21T22:01:00.000-05:00

There was a session meeting at church tonight. An incident in church on Sunday (which I missed because I was still at Continuing Education) led to an intense discussion about proper conduct in church and how to handle those whose behavior is absolutely inappropriate (ie loud cursing during the sermon and the Lord’s Supper).

It was decided that the pastoral staff (which includes myself and the male pastor) and two other male congregation members would be in charge of addressing future outbursts. At this point, a session member asked if she could make a motion to fatten me up first …

Where do I belong?

2006-11-15T08:43:00.000-05:00

I have the week off for continuing education – it doesn’t make much sense to me that a seminary student doing an internship gets continuing education leave, but it’s part of my terms of call for my internship, so I’m taking it.

I’m back on the seminary campus and it’s weird.

I don’t belong with my classmates anymore. They are starting to think about what they want to do after graduation and filling out paperwork for searching for a call. Some are starting to get senioritis.

I don’t belong with the class below me yet either. They are in classes I’ve already taken and they still have ords looming before them (I’ve passed all of mine – yeah!). Next year they will be my classmates and we’ll graduate together.

I’m starting to realize that I belong or rather identify more with the class that just graduated, with the people who are in their first calls and figuring things out as they go along. One of the great things about my internship is that I’m treated more like an associate pastor than an intern. And so I’m figuring things out as I go along and get to know these people, this pastor, and this church more and more.

But what is it about this need to belong, to identify with others?

Reflections on being a “Real Life Pastor”

2006-11-14T17:36:00.000-05:00

Some delayed reflections (because work and life has been busy lately) …

The pastor was out of the office on vacation from Thursday, October 19th through Monday, October 30th. During this time, there was also no administrative assistant in the office. I was in the office alone and functioning as pastor, secretary, and intern for 12 days.

There wasn’t one particular event that caused a pastoral dilemma; it was deciding how to spend my time when there were so many different things that needed to be done. It was a busy time in terms of building management and contractors. Phone calls, opening doors and gates, finding out about the projects, and being in the office during specific times each day ate up a lot of my time – much more than I would have predicted. It was an unusually busy week in terms of these things, but they were things with which I had to deal and manage and some weeks will be like that.

I was often surprised at how much of my day was already gone after I had only met with or talked to the contractor, answered the messages on the answering machine, and gone through the mail and email. Other normal weekly tasks continued to fill my days: volunteering at the outreach center on Tuesday morning, preparing for Bible Study and leading it on Wednesday evening, working with the Elementary Youth Group on Fridays, tutoring. Plus there were additional meetings those weeks. Add to that planning for worship and putting the bulletin together and I was left with little time for much else. Yet, I also wanted to make some pastoral visits and needed to write a sermon for worship on October 29th. To do both those things, I really needed to get out of the office. However, I felt stuck at the church and unable to get away to do such things. Therefore, I only made one pastoral care visit and wrote much of my sermon on Saturday.

This experience was invaluable and overall I loved it. It was definitely a taste of being a “real life pastor.” I really like being in a church and working as a pastor and this experience provided additional confirmation of my call to congregational ministry. It also made me reflect on how a pastor must continually assess and prioritize the things that need to be done each week. In such a profession, there will always be more to do and more that could be done than will fit in a work week. Time management skills are essential. I believe good boundaries are also a necessity. I could have come in on Thursday (my day off) and gotten some things done and visited some people, but I didn’t. It was tempting, but I had two friends in town who made sure I took the whole day off. I did what I could in 50 hours and the things that remained on my to do list would be addressed the next week.

So, at the end of the 12 days, I still wanted to be a pastor and I can see myself doing this for the rest of my life.

A Halloween Adventure Anecdote

2006-11-05T20:23:00.000-05:00

I didn't have any plans for October 31st, so when Mrs. M invited me to dinner on Tuesday evening I accepted. I had been trying to call on Mrs. M for some time, but she's quite busy even though she lives in a retirement community and is in her 90s. I was to meet her at 4:30pm at her apartment. Then we would ride the tram over to the dining hall for 5pm dinner.

I arrived at 4:30 and found her place. I took a quick tour and met the dog before we caught the tram to the dining hall. Upon entering the dining hall, I saw about a dozen people from the church (lots of the older folk in the church live at this particular place). Mrs. M and I had dinner with three others from the church. During dinner, she mentions that there is a Halloween party that evening at 7pm and she would love to have me join her.

(Sidenote: the pastor had been out of the office on vacation for the past 12 days and October 31st was his first day back in the office. It had been a long day of catching up on things. I had only planned on visiting with Mrs. M until 6pm)

However, I figured "why not?" and told Mrs. M that I would stay for the Halloween party. Dinner did end around 6pm. At that time Mrs. M and I went back to her place to walk the dog and visit. I also helped her get into her Halloween costume - a spiderweb pinned to the back of her black sweater.

Now I didn't realize that I would be attending a Halloween party so I didn't have a costume. I had received a pirate's eye patch in a wonderful care package a few days earlier and this would have been the perfect time to wear it, but alas, it sat at home on my dining room table.

Around 7pm, Mrs. M and I catch the tram back to the main building where the party is. The room is all decorated. There is red punch and chocolate dirt desserts. There is a band playing and singing ... there are two members of the band ... they play the accordian and the trumpet ... it is hilarious. There is Halloween bingo and prizes ... it is rather tricky because the squares have such things as one bat, a bat by a pumpkin, or three bats in them ... difficult distinctions for older folk ... there are many false bingo alarms.

I leave the party around 8pm ... it continues until 9pm. I arrive home at my senior citizen condo community which also hosted a Halloween party. Their party is over and they are locking up the clubhouse. I am definitely living in the wrong senior community.

Idols Idols Everywhere

2006-10-31T07:47:00.000-05:00

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Acts 17:16-34

I’m not much of a sports fan. I played some sports growing up – basketball for a few years on the city parks and rec team and then in junior high I was on the school basketball and track team. But it was never really my thing. Dance was more my thing and I would consider dance a sport.

Now my younger brothers on the other hand, they were into sports, and still are. They played some basketball and baseball growing up, but mostly they played soccer, lots and lots of soccer. And they just loved and continue to love sports in general – following all the teams, memorizing all sorts of stats on their favorite players, blocking time on Saturday to watch the games.

I definitely can’t compete with either one of my brothers or Todd on that. But I do take an interest in some of the championship series, especially if the hometown team is competing for the top title. I guess I’m what one would call a fair weather fan. But I’m okay with that. And so I’ve been following the Major League Baseball World Series … because the Detroit Tigers were in it. And it was amazing that they were so good this year because in recent years they had done so poorly. I followed the World Series over the last week and a half and I was disappointed Friday night when the St. Louis Cardinals won the series in the fifth game and became the champions.

But I’m over it. I’ve moved on in life and I probably won’t care about Major League Baseball again until next fall and then, only if the Tigers are doing well. Yet for many Americans, the draw of sports does not start and stop so easily. For many Americans sports is an obsession – an idol constructed in the days of youth and pee wee teams and continued into adulthood; an idol that sits at the center of fanatics’ lives and rules schedules and dominates television and is so revered that it is worshipped.

And that idol is just one among many to choose from in today’s culture, for idols are grabbing our attention left and right. There’s the popular show American Idol on television which searches for the next great singer and lots of other shows that some fans follow more closely than their own lives. There’s the lure of academia – the classroom, learning and books – for others. There’s the idol of physical appearance, ability and image. And there’s the idol of high expectations and ideals, probably the idol with which I struggle the most. More idols are being added to the list every day; more images and representations of things and objects that if we are not careful could easily be turned into gods and worshipped.

Why is it that there are so many idols out there? … scattered among our cities and in the marketplace … taking up our time … eating up our money … taking over our lives … I would say it’s because we’re searching, searching for meaning in life, continuing a search that was begun long ago in Athens.

In today’s passage from Acts, Paul stands in the center of the city of Athens, the very heart of pagan culture and the very center of an intellectual university town; and he is unimpressed with what he sees. It is little more than a wasteland full of idols – so many idols that all of them are not even named. And the people of the city that Paul meets are searching, desperately searching for the next great idea and the latest cool thing and the up and coming idol.

And Paul stands in the middle of the crowd and addresses the people. First, flattering them – their impulse to worship is right even if the objects of their worship are wrong. Then, Paul presents the only true recipient of worship – God. He lays out the scandal of faith: unlike all those other gods the people are worshipping, the true God is not passive, only made of stone. The true God is living. And therefore, absolutely nothing deserves to be honored “before God,” as God’s people have been commanded in the First Commandment.

For the God whom Paul proclaims is not just another option for human devotion, not an accommodating God content to be one among many. The God who sent the Christ is still the Holy One of Israel, a jealous deity without rivals, an exclusive lover who tolerates no competition – money, ideals, institutions, sports, television, a jealous God who fiercely judges all idols made by hands or minds of humans.

Because God alone is to be worshipped and praised, honored and served. God alone deserves that level of devotion and enthusiasm. God alone is worthy. For God alone made the world and everything that is in it – the heavens and the earth; the sun, moon and stars; the waters teeming with fish and sea creatures of every kind; the sky swarming with colorful birds and butterflies; the land with its lush vegetation; the living creatures of every kind that creep and crawl along the ground; and us, humanity. The Lord of all creation is indeed worthy to be praised.

And not just because God so carefully crafted the world out of nothing. But because God didn’t stop there. The Lord of all the universe didn’t go away to hide after all that hard work; God began a relationship with humanity and ultimately came to earth as Jesus Christ.
God gave people a hunger for God, so they might grope for God and find God, even though God is never very far away from any one of us. For in God we come to life; in God we are motivated; in God we find meaning.

And as God’s children we gather as the body of Christ – this Sunday and every Sunday; as God’s beloved we gather as the church to worship the only One deserving worship. For the divine is not found in sports teams or the latest book or the highest ideal or the most popular television show – not any of the products of our own cunning and creation. It is found in God alone.

As we disperse we are called to place nothing on so high a pedestal that we are in danger of worshipping it. We can maintain an interest in any of a number of good things without worshipping them. For worship belongs to God alone. As God’s children, we are called to continue our worship beyond the songs and prayers of this morning, continue our worship when we exit the doors of the church at 11:30.

Many of you already do so. Some of you spend a morning or two a week volunteering at Operation Attack. Some of you serve as elders and work on committees to ensure that the work and mission of the church is accomplished. Some of you are committed to praying for the church and its members and friends. Others of you volunteer an hour a week to a child at St. Pete Reads. And still others give back in many unknown ways behind the scenes. God is being worshipped and served in this place. God is good!

As we start to think about the next year in the life of this church, consider how you might be willing to worship and serve God with your time, talent and treasure. Consider how you might think, meditate, remember, esteem, honor, adore, choose, love, desire, fear, trust, hope, delight and rejoice in the Lord our God.

For the Lord alone is indeed worthy to be praised. Amen.

Things I've Learned

2006-10-23T15:59:00.000-05:00

Whilst my seminary friends are in the midst of midterms, papers and projects, I thought I would share some of the things I’ve learned thus far from my internship, although I don’t have to put these learnings in any graded form (yeah!).

Being a pastor at a small church sometimes means being the building manager. This means that I now know some things about heating and cooling systems and their maintenance, pest control, garbage removal, roofing, and generators. It also means that I've spent time with the city inspector.
When there are mice in the church kitchen, putting all food items in big plastic tubs is a pain, but necessary.
Congregation members want you in the office so they can talk to you when they call, but they also want to know why you aren’t out “doing something.”
In a congregation with numerous elderly members, if you’re heard by everyone it doesn’t really matter what you say.
Having some sort of secretary/administrative assistant makes life much easier. However, since that position at this church has been empty since my arrival, I am now proficient at typing, copying, folding, and stuffing the bulletin; preparing a non-profit mailing; and writing a grant.

Things That Are Saving Me

2006-10-21T17:30:00.000-05:00

I just finished Barbara Brown Taylor’s Leaving Church. I loved the book; her honesty is always so refreshing to me. In the last chapter, she discusses a question that she asks others and she continues to answer herself: “What is saving your life now?” BBT lists things like teaching school, observing Sabbath, encountering God in others.

Moving to Florida for a year long internship while the rest of my seminary classmates enter their final year of classes has been difficult. But it's getting easier. I'm finally starting to feel settled into my new home and church. And I'm starting to feel at peace about being here. This is due in part to things that are saving my own life right now:

Dance is saving my life right now. Teaching worship dance to the youth group, dropping by regularly at a worship dance group at a local church, and dancing my own prayers.
Amazing friends who call, email, and write are saving my life right now.
My parents’ recent visit is saving my life right now.
Looking forward to a visit to seminary is saving my life right now.
And a God who continues to be in the big things and the little details is saving my life right now.

Moved by the Spirit

2006-10-16T20:04:00.000-05:00

It turns out that I preached the sermon I most needed to hear:

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Acts 16:6-15

How do you prepare for a journey or a trip? Are you one of those people who waits until the last minute and throws some things into a bag, hoping you’ve remembered everything, traveling with the philosophy that you can buy or borrow anything you’ve forgotten, or chew a lot of gum if you forgot your toothpaste? Or do you spend some time thinking about where you’re going and what the weather might be like there and the essentials that you’ll need, maybe even making a checklist to ensure that nothing is forgotten? Or do you set off on a long journey without any preparation at all, not even a final destination in mind, open to whatever may happen along the way, knowing that there are few truly essential things in life?

If you are traveling or flying anywhere in today’s world, chances are it’s not the third option. The Transportation Security Administration ensures that you think carefully about what exactly you are placing in your baggage. And if you’re traveling with others, chances are that you have some idea of where you’ll be going. So we plan and we pack and we are guided by space or rules or other people.

But Paul and his companions did not have the TSA to guide their packing or planning. Although, they probably didn’t pack much of anything to take with them on their travels. And they probably hadn’t planned on being part of the early church. So, they made do and found food and shelter along the way as they spread the good news of Jesus Christ. They were motivated and moved by a different source – not the well laid plans, rules and guidelines of another person or organization, but of the Holy Spirit. They had the Holy Spirit as their tour guide.

But the Holy Spirit didn’t lead them on an all-inclusive vacation trip. Their journeys were much more difficult than that – landing them in various prisons or in the middle of riots at times, as they preached the startling news of Jesus Christ’s resurrection and the inclusivity of God. But even beyond the message that some were not ready for, the Holy Spirit didn’t make traveling easy. In fact, sometimes the Holy Spirit blocked Paul and his companions from exactly where they were heading. Paul’s best laid plans were twice overruled in today’s reading as the itinerary is redrawn by the Spirit. First, the group does not speak the word in Asia and then it does not go into Bithynia in Mysia.

So Paul and friends, who have learned to be open to the workings of God in Jew and Gentile, are open to a guide that doesn’t show them where to go, but moves them instead away from specific places. These movements away could have been frustrating. They would have meant more travel – which translates into more walking, more nights on the road before a few nights in the same town, more wondering when the journey would end.

Yet Paul is open to the workings of the Holy Spirit. And Paul remains open to the Holy Spirit. And this time the Holy Spirit comes to Paul in a vision, in a dream in the middle of the night. And this time it’s not another roadblock; this time it’s a command given through the vision of a man from Macedonia, who says: “Come over to Macedonia and help us.” That’s it; short and sweet – the command to come and help. And immediately, immediately the group tried to cross over to Macedonia. Though it wasn’t in the plans and it may not have been the best time of day, or night rather, to travel, immediately the group follows the call and movement of the Spirit.

And so the group ends up in Philippi, a large city in Macedonia. And they remain there for a number of days. Nothing noteworthy happens at first, or at least nothing worth recording. But then Paul and friends gather together on the Sabbath for prayer. And the Holy Spirit is on the move again, because Paul’s group just so happens to head down to the river to pray.

When I read this part of the story, in my mind I begin to see a scene from the 2000 movie starring George Clooney, O Brother, Where Art Thou. Three escaped convicts are around a campfire in the woods when a nearby event arouses their attention. “Down to the River to Pray” is being sung in the background. They see a line of people all dressed in white robes weaving their way through the trees to a river. The escaped convicts who are on the run stand in the woods and watch as a large number are baptized. Two of the convicts are moved by something and run down into the river to be baptized also. They stand out among the crowd, splashing and running into the waters, dirty and smelly from days on the run from the law. But they both merge into the line and are dunked in the water.

And as crazy as it is to consider that movie scene where two rumpled, escaped convicts are baptized in the midst of an orderly group baptism, it is just as crazy to consider what Paul and his companions do down at the river. First, they talk to the women, women – those who were not considered important, but were low on the social scale. A radical step when viewed from the standards of society, but nothing new to those who knew Jesus and his concern for just those people that society shunned.

And then, through the workings of the Holy Spirit, God opens one woman’s heart to Paul and the good news of Jesus Christ. Her name is Lydia and she is baptized right then and there. But not just her; her whole household too. No time needed to ponder it all and consider the option. It was immediate baptism because the Spirit had moved in their hearts. And the Spirit could move in their hearts because they were open to it.

The apostles have opened themselves up to new possibilities. They are traveling on their journey day-to-day, open to where the wind might blow them, open to a transportation guide quite different from the standard. They are open to God the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit isn’t about nice, neat, tidy travel plans. The Holy Spirit isn’t concerned with maintaining equilibrium, having everything balanced. The Holy Spirit is taking them all over the place.

And yet the apostles follow. They trust. They listen and obey. They are willing to be surprised by what the Spirit might do. And the Spirit will do surprising things – a number of them in a few short verses. The Spirit will lead them away from places they were heading toward and the Spirit will speak through a vision to lead them somewhere else. But still, they follow. And then the Spirit leads them to a river and many are baptized. And it seems being moved by the Spirit reaps many rewards.

However, allowing one’s self to be moved by the Holy Spirit isn’t easy. The Holy Spirit travel plan seems pretty discombobulated and unorganized. It may leave us wondering: Is that really what we signed on for when we said “we believe?” Is that really part of our faith today? But, yes it is. It is part of the messiness of being a follower of Jesus Christ. The barriers and rules that hold in world do not hold in the church and do not hold for the Holy Spirit.

And that means the Holy Spirit moves in our lives – guiding and sustaining us, yes, but also pushing and pulling us in new directions, if we are open to it. So how are we open to it? It’s difficult because it’s not something concrete, something that can easily be seen or done. It’s more of a posture of receptiveness. But that doesn’t mean it’s passive. The posture has to be nurtured and given space to develop.

So how do we acquire a posture of receptiveness? We remain in tune with God. We remain open to being pushed and pulled, being tugged here and there, being blocked and called because the Holy Spirit is on the move. And it won’t be any easy thing. The travel to the end destination may look haphazard and chaotic and unbalanced, but the Holy Spirit that came down upon the disciples at Pentecost is not about order.

So keep your eyes, ears, and heart open to the ever mysterious workings of the Holy Spirit in the world today. Be open to being blown in a new direction. Remain open to new experiences. Open yourself to others. Just let the movement begin.

In the name of the One who creates and guides us all; Amen.

An Update

2006-10-13T14:21:00.000-05:00

A somewhat random posting of the latest and greatest from my life:

Could not resolve Mac/PC networking problems in the church office. I knew more about computers than the computer guy that came out to help with this. This is sad. This also means the church bought a new Dell Laptop for me to use. I miss my Mac.
Joined the Y, which means a couple of mornings this past week I've woken up very sore. Not working out on a regular basis for the summer months will do this to you.
I've been found out. Yesterday a man from the senior citizen condo community was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. I got a knock on my door from the grounds man. Apparently man in the ambulance pointed to my car and said his relatives lived there. After realizing that I was not related to the man in the ambulance, grounds man asks what I'm doing in the condo. I hastily answer that I am staying in the place for a friend, say bye, and shut the door.
Parents are coming to visit this weekend. This is a really good thing. I'm preaching on Sunday. This is a good thing. My sermon is not done and my parents land in an hour. This is not a good thing. I can't get out what I want to say. This is a really not good thing.

A Split Soul

2006-10-05T11:02:00.000-05:00

There’s a story of an explorer who traveled madly from one edge of South America to the other, getting up before dawn every day and pushing his crew until after sundown. One morning, as he was getting ready for yet another day of busy exploration, his native porters failed to appear. The explorer found them all seated under a tree, not doing anything in particular, but looking as if they were settled in for the better part of the day. He approached them impatiently and demanded an explanation. One of the porters then matter-of-factly replied, “We have traveled far and we have traveled fast. Now we must allow time for our souls to catch up with our bodies.”

I have traveled far and I have definitely traveled fast. Since I’ve had more time on my hands lately I’ve come to realize that my soul is split and I haven't allowed it time to catch up with my body: there’s a part of me that is still in Mississippi with my summer internship church, and there’s a part of me that longs to be at seminary in Georgia, and then there’s the part of me that is here in Florida. And the Florida part of me is currently the smallest.

And now I have all this time on my hands and I'm resenting that gift. But I must allow time for my soul to catch up with my body. Then maybe I can be more open to the gifts that are here, in this new place, in this good church, being offered by these warm people. But it’s going to take some time.

Adjustments & New Things

2006-09-25T12:58:00.000-05:00

Things are moving along in my internship, though not quite as quickly as I would like. Currently, I tend to be doing a whole lot of watching and waiting. And while it's been a good way to meet and get to know the congregation, I'm anxious to actually do some stuff on my own. In the meantime, I'll work on adjusting to some of the new things in my life, like ...

juggling and keeping straight 9 new keys, 1 access card, and 1 access code
living in a senior citizen condo community
working at a church in a used-to-be-dangerous-but-not-as-dangerous-anymore neighborhood
trying to get my Mac laptop to work, network, and print with all the PCs in the office

First Week of Internship Work

2006-09-16T13:24:00.000-05:00

I survived the first week of my internship and this place is growing on me. The church is very different from the church I interned at this summer, so there's been an adjustment period. But I think that it'll be a good year.

I'll be doing a lot of pastoral care and have started to meet the older members of the congregation who are in the various nursing homes and assisted living centers around town. I've started attending the various committee and board meetings of the church (would the Presbyterian church function any other way?). I'll be assisting with the elementary youth group on Friday afternoons. I met the kids yesterday and had a blast with them. I'll be helping in worship every Sunday in some way. I'll be preaching 13 times over the next 11 months, including Christmas Eve, Easter sunrise and Pentecost. And I'll be helping with the various outreach ministries of the church, in particular with a reading/tutoring program.

And so, things have really begun ...